Kan wak
by akili
Summary: Spock adjusts to fatherhood with the assistance of his father and memories of his mother. Kan-wak means 'childhood' in Vulcan.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

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Spock stood near the window, taking in a rare sun beam. He cradled Ama, who they'd named T'Ura Amanda but had chosen to call her by one of his own mother's least used nick names, against his chest. The heat in Kiano's house was at its highest setting and still the little girl was uncomfortable, chilly unless she was swaddled and in her father's arms. Spock, for his part, seemed content to simply stare at the baby while he held her. He would gaze down upon her, fascinated at her symmetry, biological function and movement. Spock often wondered how something so perfect and complex could have come from him. He was less marveled that Nyota could produce such a perfect child; however, that Ama had his nose, ears and his mother's eyes in miniature was still amazing to Spock.

Spock had suspected that his emotions would stir when T'Ura Amanda was born; however, he had never anticipated that he would be so wholly consumed with her comfort and contentedness. She was frequently held by Kiano, her grandfather, who's body temperature was higher than the Human average and Spock could not help but keep his eye on every move that she made. He perked his ears for every cry and gurgle that she made in the case that she might need him. He was only outdone by Nyota who, despite her much cooler skin, took extra pains to keep their daughter warm. Nyota had made interpreting Ama's cries into a science and their daughter, predictably, recognized her mother's scent, voice and presence with happiness.

Nyota and Spock had decided that Ama should be allowed to grow into her Vulcan and Human heritage as it went. They would teach her about Surak and means to emotional control, but they would also allow her to express her emotions if there was evidence that it was more healthy for her. Currently though, Spock was, with assistance from his own father, stimulating her neural pathways and connecting with Ama's mind in the manner a Vulcan parent would to a fully Vulcan child.

Spock gently passed his thumbs over Ama's temples as he walked her away from the window, confirming that she wanted for nothing at the moment. The baby's mind was more unique than anything that Spock had ever encountered. It was fully formed but had no edges. Every day that Spock connected with his daughter, he was pleased to find that she had learned something new. Whether it was to recognize her Uncle Basim's deep voice or to appreciate the taste of soy milk, Spock was overcome with curiosity. Spock had never truly considered the amount information that a child had to assimilate before. Ama had no concept of inappropriate or embarrassment. She did not judge her interests as beneficial or useful, yet she pursued them singlemindedly.

At fifteen weeks old, Ama was mostly interested in her mother's breast, her father's arms and anything that resembled food. Spock had been surprised early one morning when, Nyota having gone for pre-dawn run, Ama had attempted to find a place to feed from on Spock's flat chest. It made perfect sense, Spock thought with a surge of pride, that his daughter was already employing logic and discerning that if one nipple offered sustenance that another might as well. Every day was filled with such realizations for Spock. Fortunately all of the adults that Spock interacted with regularly were equally interested in Ama's head lifting or newly formed cooing.

Things had been interesting at his father-in-law's house. On one hand, Spock could see Nyota's point about needing more room. Ama had many associated objects. Her crib, her changing table, her bassinet, her tiny chest of drawers, her diaper pail and the copious number of objects that relatives and friends brought to her to attract her interest and stimulate her mind took up an entire room, a room that Spock and Nyota did not have in their quarters on the Enterprise. Nyota seemed to anticipate this need for space while Spock had not. He had thought that a person the size of Ama would require a proportional amount of space. On the other hand, Spock was growing weary of the number of extra people he encountered daily. Things had been somewhat tense when they had first arrived on Earth but the members of their extended family quickly fell into a routine that had alleviated some of that tension. Of course, the lack of privacy added more tension in Spock's opinion.

Spock would have been perfectly content if it had just been Nyota, Ama and himself; however, he did realize that it was easy to say such a thing while neither he nor Nyota were expected to report for duty. In truth, the advice that they got from other relatives that had much experience with infants was immensely helpful. It would just be more conducive to Spock's peace of mind if the other members of their family did not feel the need to enter whenever it was convenient for them.

Spock knew that he would not have to worry about it much longer. He and Nyota were set to return to the Enterprise in only two weeks. Spock had already spoken with the captain about moving their quarters to something larger in order to accommodate Ama's belongings. At the time that Nyota had become pregnant the ship did not have a dedicated child care facility. There were too few children aboard that were under school age. In the interim she had worked with the captain to select a nursery attendant, so Spock was confident that they would be able to adjust to their normal routines on the ship.

"Spock?" Sarek asked as Spock laid Ama down for a nap.

"Yes father?" Spock asked, keeping his desire to remind his father to knock at bay.

"I believe that you should inquire about more time away from the Enterprise. I believe that it would be prudent for you to take more time to focus on T'Ura's development. It would also be prudent, I believe, for you and Nyota to not return to full duty immediately upon your eventual return." Sarek clasped his hands in front of himself.

"Noted." Spock said as he turned fully toward his father. "However, father, I have considered our options thoroughly. I believe that delaying the inevitable is illogical. Nyota and I are Starfleet officers. Our becoming parents did not change that. We must adjust to our assignments else it would be a dereliction of duty. As Nyota might put it "it is most logical to rip the bandaid off."

"I see." Sarek eyed his son for a moment before speaking. "What is a bandaid?"

Once Sarek left and Spock had checked on Ama once more, he retreated to the office that he and Nyota were sharing with Kiano. He had downloaded his replacement's ship wide logs and was attempting to bring himself up to date when he saw something unusual pass outside of the window. Spock tried to ignore it at first, but after several moments he saw it again and went to the window to investigate.

With his face pressed to the window, he saw a large black creature running around in the green belt that was adjacent to Kiano's house. Spock immediately recognized it as a Newfoundland, a Terran animal that was popular in areas near water. The dog had what appeared to be a hat in its mouth and its leash was bouncing about wildly behind him. Spock raised an eyebrow as a small woman with her hair blowing in the wind appeared and tried to gain control of the animal. She had little success. Eventually, the dog ran in another direction, the woman making commands that the dog ignored and Spock sat back down.

Something sparked a memory for Spock in watching the dog. It wasn't the dog himself but the woman that ran after it. He thought of his mother, her hair undone and blowing wildly in the high winds of et'Khior. Spock settled back in his chair and allowed the memory to unfold. It was something that he had not thought of in decades. Spock's eyebrows drew together slightly, he could not recall the year that his mother had brought home a sehlat for him, so it must have been well before school age, however the memory of his mother, in the dry gusts on Vulcan, entangled with the dog drew him in.

"_Mama?" Spock said anxiously. "Mama?!" _

_ "Yes Spock, I'm here." Amanda said as she emerged from the door, unsure of what to make of the urgency in her son's voice. The nanny had gone to the market to procure several items needed for dinner. _

_ "Mama!!" Spock said. He knew a few Vulcan words already but this word, mama, seemed to fill his mother with joy more than any other words that he knew. He was unsure of why she enjoyed hearing it, but she did and that moved it to the top of Spock's list of things to say. _

_ "Yes Spock, what is it baby?" Amanda said as she moved to scoop her son into her arms. _

_ "Mama?" Spock said, cuddling against her cool chest, enjoying the contrast from the hot blustery day. _

_ "Yes?" Amanda laughed at her son's repeated new word. She had taught it to him when his father had taken his first extended diplomatic assignment since Spock's birth. Amanda had been sure __that she would be able to handle Spock alone, with the nanny, however, he proved to be a bit too inquisitive. Things were more difficult than she had anticipated with Spock still very used to communicating with his father and nanny through touch telepathy. She had been coaxing him to use words more. She knew he understood them; however, she guessed that it would be a difficult to transition to using words consistently when it was so easy to convey what one wanted through a touch. Spock put both of his hands, chubby and covered in dirt, onto his mother's cheeks. _

_ "No Spock. Let's try to use words okay?" Amanda set Spock down on the lower of two stone retaining walls that were behind their house. Spock's faced squeezed into a frown as he prepared to protest but then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. _

_ Amanda turned to see what had distracted him. Whatever it was, it was not there anymore, but then, suddenly, Amanda saw the shadow. She turned, startled, to find a large shaggy beast that looked like a cross between a walrus and a bear staring at her. I-Chaya, Sarek's old sehlat, burst through the back door into the garden where Amanda and Spock stood. Instinctively, she blocked Spock's body with her own, fearing that they may be caught between the two animals. The animal, a sehlat that was not familiar to her from the neighborhood, simply stared. Amanda did not know if the beast was sizing her up, looking past her to a low growling I-Chaya or simply regarding their figures with apathy, but she did not want to find out. She extended her hand to Spock who took it and instantly understood what his mother wanted him to do. He crawled onto her back and she slowly walked backwards toward the open door of her house, calling I-Chaya back with her. _

_ It was a few weeks later that Amanda had brought home a new sehlat cub. Sarek had suggested that a new pet would be a good way to stimulate Spock into speaking; after all, one could not generally communicate with a sehlat by touching it and I-Chaya, an animal that had reached maturity years ago, had little use for Spock's rambunctious manner. Further, Sarek had suggested, that perhaps two sehlats would be able to better defend the house than one, especially when it came to interloping animals that wished to challenge the aging I-Chaya. Amanda had gone to a sehlat breeder with her son and the nanny a few days later, selecting the smallest cub that she could. _

_ The cub grew rapidly but Sarek had been correct about the cub's presence in their home. Spock suddenly had a an exciting new reason to speak and he quickly began blurting out things in both Vulcan and English that he wished for his new pet to do. Further, the animal announced visitors that I-Chaya largely ignored, Vulcan and animal alike, consistently. Spock's mother seemed to enjoy these things. She smiled and stroked the younger animal's broad head and back; in return, it greeted her happily when she returned from her outings in the city. _

_ The sehlat cub was blessedly calm, which was fortunate. In truth, Amanda was slightly overwhelmed with managing the household and Spock without Sarek's help. T'Nal, Spock's nanny, was only present during the day and was elderly. She was fine to watch over Spock while he slumbered or was absorbed in a children's game but when he was streaking from room to room it was down to Amanda alone, especially after dark. Amanda had believed that it would be an easy adjustment; after all, Sarek had taken short assignments off world in the time since Spock's birth. The reality was that the situation was more challenging than she had anticipated and with little relief, she found herself collapsing into her bed each night after Spock had finally drifted off to sleep. _

_ The sehlat cub was not much of a burden, until it was. On a day that T'Nal had agreed to go to the market to purchase various roots and spices to remedy the Vulcan version of the common cold, the cub got over the stone barrier that separated Sarek's household from others. Spock was crying, congested and irritable when he suddenly stopped mid-screech and looked out of the window. _

_ "Mama?!" Spock said excitedly. _

_ Amanda had turned her head to follow his gaze and saw the sehlat cub's hind quarters slipping over the outer stone wall. Amanda threw the door open and ran to the wall, cursing under her breath as she ran. She called out to the animal but heard the familiar jingle of its tags and collar moving further away. Spock walked out of the open door after his mother and watched as she considered her options. I-Chaya, already in the garden and dozing in the shade, ignored the scene but for a resigned huff before closing its eyes again. After a brief pause, Spock watched as his mother hoisted herself to the top of the taller of the two walls, her long robes blowing in the wind. She called out to Spock over her shoulder and he ran to her. _

_ Amanda took Spock's hands in hers, lifting him to the top of the wall and told him to sit atop the wall so that she could see him while she caught the animal, who was now happily destroying the neighbor's cactus patch. Amanda sighed and jumped down, warning Spock again to stay put. Spock watched as his mother advanced on the sehlat. The sehlat had no intention of being caught, however, and maneuvered around Amanda at every opportunity. Spock found this to be incredibly amusing. He clapped his hands, to the horror of the neighbors, as the sehlat cub and Amanda ran about the back garden, also to the horror of the neighbors, kicking up dust and knocking over plants. _

_ Amanda's posture suddenly changed. She ground her heels into the dry, red dirt and bent her knees slightly. Spock could see her lick her lower lip as she spread her arms wide. The cub seemed to sense the change too and settled onto its haunches as it prepared to leap past Amanda. When it sprung, Amanda was ready for it. Nearly ready for it, at least. The animal leapt at Amanda, who had intended to block it with her body, and somehow slid just past her, its front shoulder colliding with her as she tried to shift to grasp at its collar. The impact loosened Amanda's hair, the wind picking it up immediately and obscuring her face from Spock's view. Spock did not know why, but this was the best. He clapped wildly and chanted his mother's favorite word. Mama! Mama!Mama!_

_

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_Author's Note: Thanks to ayachan1412 for being my beta reader. I seem to be partial to two word titles, so I think Kan-Wak is going to stick unless I can think of something else with two words. This story seems to be taking lots of stuff from real life-- my friend's name is Ama and my dog, Nigel, is pretty much the sehlat cub in this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Thank you for reading! _  
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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content

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It was somewhat illogical for Spock to be surprised when he found that his father had been correct; after all, Sarek had raised children and knew these things but he was surprised nonetheless. Spock had no idea how much energy Ama would take from even most mundane tasks. Spock had no idea that someone so small would require so much attention and devastate his cherished routine. Nyota laughed openly at Spock's wide eyed stare but Spock did not see the humor. It was not often that he could underestimate something so drastically.

Still though, when Ama reached out and tugged Spock's ear or offered a gummy smile in his direction he could think of nothing better than fatherhood. Truly, it was becoming more difficult for Spock to do his duty as a member of the crew. He constantly thought about what might happen should he not return from an away mission in time for Ama's late night feeding. Yes, Nyota was there and would absolutely take care of their daughter's needs. And yes, other children since the beginning of time had to deal with the temporary absence of a parent. Spock understood these things; however, the abstract was suddenly very concrete and everyone else was now his child.

Each night Spock would, while Ama had a bottle of her mother's milk to her lips, relish the sense of contentment that she was feeling, gently stroking her temples as she suckled the bottle. He could not recall such a feeling himself and found it somewhat distressing that Ama's memories of sweet nourishment from her mother and warm comfort from her father would be replaced by things like anxiety about strangers or an annoying Junior Lieutenant's constant attentions toward a bond mate.

Yang had boarded just about the time that Spock and Nyota had returned from their leave. He did not socialize with much of the crew and, ostensibly, had no idea that he was flirting with Nyota only two feet from her bond mate. Spock regretted his decision to forgo the wedding bands that Nyota had suggested after their bonding on New Vulcan. He had come to the belief that no piece of metal, no matter how precious, would be a true representation of the emotional, mental bond that they shared. Now, however, he could see the merit in such a display.

"It does not seem that he is particularly astute." Spock commented to Nyota as she stepped into his office to give him the communications logs. "I wonder why the captain agreed to accept him as a transfer for Lieutenant Marsten?"

"What makes you think he isn't astute?" Nyota said, her figure unusually ample with the fifth month of breast milk in her bosom. Spock put considerable effort into maintaining eye contact with her and reminded himself that Nyota's breasts, for the time being, were meant for the baby.

"The amount of attention that he lavishes upon you at any given moment would indicate that he has not discerned that you are a mother and happily bonded." Spock said tersely. "He spends eighteen point three percent of his time attempting to make small talk with you, yet he has not ascertained that you have a child? Does that _seem_ astute?" Spock raised an eyebrow as he began to scan Nyota's reports.

"Everyone isn't as observant as you Spock." Nyota said, her lips beginning to curve into a mischievous smile. "But maybe you're wrong. Maybe he knows full well that I'm happily bonded to the ship's XO. Some guys like a challenge." Nyota winked at him as she slipped out of the door and onto the bridge.

Spock pursed his lips. He did not appreciate the idea that a crew member would intentionally attempt to lure Nyota away right in front of him. The only reason that Spock had not formally reprimanded the young lieutenant for his lackadaisical manner while on duty was because he had wanted to allow him to come into the knowledge of Spock's relationship with Nyota on his own. Spock had hoped that the issue would resolve itself but, now, he had doubts.

Spock brought it up in his next report to Kirk. Spock had taken careful notes of each instance in which Yang had left his station, walked over to Nyota and spoken to her about affairs unrelated to work. Nyota, for her part, was adept at multitasking and her reports showed that she was performing her duties exceptionally. Yang, on the other hand, was not. Spock pointed out a two point seven one percent decrease in his productivity on days that his schedule overlapped with Nyota's schedule. Spock had attempted to schedule him on opposing shifts, but he was replacing Lieutenant Marsten, who was the only bridge level expert in artificial intelligence that was aboard.

"Spock." Kirk began slowly. "I don't want to diminish your interpretation but I'm not finding a less than three percent reduction to be a particularly alarming number in terms of productivity." Kirk leaned back in his chair.

"Captain, you do realize that an accumulation of such a failure of productivity can have a significant impact on the functioning of the bridge over time?" Spock never understood why the captain only chose to be conscientious of numbers when he was arguing against Spock. He had never offered a percentage or probability to bolster Spock's arguments to others.

"Yes. Yes. I understand." Kirk frowned slightly. "And why exactly are you bringing this to me? You _are _the XO Commander. Isn't this your department?"

Spock was bringing it to the captain because it would certainly look personally motivated if he were to suddenly reprimand a new officer for flirting with his bond mate. Yes, Spock could acknowledge that less than three percent was not an inordinate amount of time, and that, when looking at the amount of time that he actually spent speaking to Nyota, it seemed an acceptable decrease; however, it was important to ensure that the problem did not get any worse.

"I believe that it would be more appropriate if you were to offer the reprimand Captain. It may seem unusual coming from me."

"Listen Commander," Kirk sighed. "Why don't you keep an eye on the situation and, in a few months, when Ama is sleeping better report to me again. I'll make a decision then."

Things had been that way since the baby had been born. It seemed that few people took Spock seriously any more. When he asked the captain what he meant, he had simply said that being a parent was an adjustment that he trusted Spock would get used to. Spock had gone to meditate after his shift. He wanted to evaluate his internal functioning to see if there was a possibility that Kirk was correct but no sooner than his lamp had been lit, had Ama signaled her need for a diaper change.

It was true that Spock had not been able to meditate more recently. It was difficult to focus one's mind when constantly tuned into the vocalizations of an infant. Spock wondered if his control was slipping. Was he being irrationally jealous? Kirk had suggested, as had Nyota, that Yang was merely being friendly. Spock wondered if this was true. Spock did have a history of assuming the worst about men who interacted with Nyota.

It turned out both men were correct ultimately. Spock was affirmed in his assessment of Yang's intentions and Kirk was correct in his assessment that Spock probably needed more rest, even for a Vulcan. Spock had shifted Nyota to Alpha shift while he worked Gamma in order for them to be able to care for Ama during an ear infection. Ama's Vulcan ear canals did not react particularly well to the humidity aboard the ship and the ship's nursery would not willingly adjust the environmental settings to suit only one child. Until the issue had resolved, either Spock or Nyota needed to be available at all times to care for her.

On the third day of Ama's antibiotic regimen, a situation arose on the bridge that required Nyota's expertise. There was an unknown dialect that seemed to be similar to Cardassian arising from an unknown ship. No one else on the ship was well versed in Cardassian dialects and their progeny, so she came to the bridge with Ama in tow. Spock felt the corners of his mouth twitch when he saw them both emerge from the turbolift. It was obvious that the baby was feeling much better. She stared at the bridge crew and gurgled at them.

"Lieutenant. Allow me to take the baby. It will allow you to attend to your task more efficiently." Spock walked toward Nyota and Ama reached toward him.

"Thank you Commander." Nyota smiled at Spock and turned toward her station to review the recorded messages from the unknown ship.

Spock did not feel at all uneasy in his uniform with his daughter in his arms. If she began to fuss he would immediately move into his office; however, under the circumstances, he felt that it was fine for her to be aboard the bridge. He held her up and walked the back pathway of the bridge. Several bridge members complimented the baby as he moved, cooing at her for a moment or commenting on her resemblance to Spock as he passed. The vast majority of the bridge crew was well aware of Spock's relationship with Nyota and had visited them when Ama had been born.

Spock was giving instructions over the comm system to engineering when Nyota approached him and indicated that she was finished with her task. They were standing near Yang's station. She had identified the language, interpreted it and composed a response that she felt would be in line with the objectives of the Enterprise. She asked Spock to keep her posted on any new developments. Upon hearing Nyota's report Lieutenant Yang had turned to look at her.

"Lieutenant Commander?" Yang said. "I thought you had been moved to Alpha shift?"

"Yeah." Nyota said, looking over her shoulder. "But this situation required me on the bridge for a moment." Nyota shrugged and turned her attention back to Spock and the baby.

"Well since you're here, why not stick around?" Yang turned fully in his chair and smiled at her broadly. "The bridge is much more fun with you here."

Spock felt his eyebrows draw together.

"Lieutenant. May I remind you that your purpose on the bridge is not to have fun." Spock said tersely, the authoritative effect being diminished slightly by the plump baby in his arms.

Yang looked at Spock for a moment and then began to focus on the infant that he held, his eyes growing wider with confusion.

"Commander, I'm done here. Again, please keep me posted of the situation as it progresses. I'll devise an algorithm that will allow our present Cardassian language capabilities to account for this variant when I put the baby down." Nyota said, taking the baby into her arms. "Say goodbye to your sa-mekh" Nyota cooed softly. "I'll send it to you directly for upload when I've finished it." Nyota nodded at Spock and turned to leave the bridge.

"Thank you Lieutenant Commander Uhura. I will keep you apprised." Spock said before lowering his voice substantially. "Goodbye ko-fu. I will see you shortly."

"Wait." Yang frowned. "I know enough Vulcan to know what sa-mekh and ko-fu mean." Yang said, puzzled. "Are you two...? I don't understand."

"The Lieutenant Commander is my, as Terrans refer it, wife." Spock said with some amount of satisfaction. "Is that a sufficient answer to your question?"

Yang had no response, instead looking cross for the rest of his shift. And Spock noticed that he no longer spent much time speaking to Nyota. The time spent speaking about things that were not related to work diminished by seventeen percent, however, his productivity seemed to stay relatively constant.

While Spock was taking Ama to sickbay for a check-up, Kirk caught up to him in the hallway.

"So Commander, did you say something to Lieutenant Yang?" Kirk said, matching Spock's stride and smiling at Ama.

"Something? Yes. I have to speak to him in order to give him instruction and evaluate him." Spock said calmly.

"No." Kirk sighed, exasperated. "About his performance on the bridge? He's asked to be placed down in engineering and to report from there."

"I was not aware of any such request." Spock dodged a pudgy hand that was aiming for his mouth. "Did he come directly to you sir?" Spock asked. It was unusual for a bridge member to bypass him for an administrative accommodation, especially one as logical as a computer scientist moving to engineering.

"Yeah, he did." Kirk said, grimacing slightly. "He said he was uncomfortable being on the bridge with you, that he felt you were staring at him."

"Staring?" Spock was surprised. "I do not know what he is referring to captain. I spend no more time looking at Lieutenant Yang than I do at any other crew member, with perhaps the exception of Lieutenant Commander Uhura."

"I know you don't Spock. You just... I don't know, look a little haggard. It's unnerving. It seems to be getting better though, I take it that T'Ura Amanda is sleeping through the night consistently?" Kirk looked again at the baby and drew a smile from her by making a face.

"Yes. As a matter of fact since her last ear infection has resolved she has been on a far more routine sleeping schedule."

"Yeah." Kirk said. "I figured. Don't worry about it Spock. I'll take care of all of it."

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Author's Note: Thanks to ayachan1412 for being my betareader! Thanks for reading! I hope you like this story, I'm enjoying a little bit of lightness with Spock and family. I don't seem to write much about life on the ship so I'm excited to get to do that for this story.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

Also- this is largely unbeta'd... read at your own risk.

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After an away mission on the edge of the beta quadrant, near the borders of the Romulan Empire, Spock found himself to be somewhat unnerved. He was able to control his emotions, knowing that remaining calm and logical would increase his, and the team's, chances of survival; however, after returning to the ship Spock found himself in need of meditation time before returning to his duties. Nyota offered to take the baby to the nursery but Spock decided that he would take more comfort knowing that their daughter was nearby.

Nyota argued a bit, reminding Spock that it was imprudent to try to meditate while being responsible for the baby but Spock brushed her off, reminding her that Sarek had meditated throughout his own childhood and he had not been any worse for it. If his father could do it, Spock decided, certainly he could as well. Despite his Vulcan memory, Spock was forgetting that Sarek infrequently was solely responsible for his care. Nyota finally gave in to Spock's request, going to her shift on the bridge while Ama was left in their quarters with her father.

Ama was dozing in a bouncer, having rocked herself to sleep while her parents went back and forth. Spock looked at her while he lit his meditation lamp. She seemed content, unaware of the dangers that Spock had just faced. Her eyes were shut and when Spock listened closely, he heard her breath come slow and deep. This was pleasing. Spock was often envious of his daughter's ignorance of the world, however, he had no desire to disabuse her of it. He hoped that she would stay fulfilled and naïve of the dangers that she might face as long as possible.

As Spock turned inward, he considered the things that he had seen on his away mission. The planet that they landed on was plagued by war, the intent of the Star Empire to colonize it and remove its native inhabitants. The planet was sparsely populated; however, those who called it home had no desire to leave. The Enterprise had responded to their distress call. Spock and Kirk had agreed that it would be appropriate to assist these people without involving themselves in the Romulan aggression, even if the inhabitants were not subject to the treaties of the Federation. The natives briefed the command staff of their situation remotely before the away team beamed down to assess the situation. The briefing had not prepared any of the crew for what they saw when they arrived.

Spock turned deeper into himself, focusing on the disgust and fear that he felt toward anyone who could have attacked an unarmed people in such a manner. The planet's inhabitants, a peaceful people that would have probably died out within a century without slaughter at the hands of the Romulans, had no way of defending against the Romulan powers but somehow they survived. The few survivors were badly disfigured. The population had been culled by nearly sixty percent. The stench of death permeated everything. Spock had known it was illogical for him to become emotionally compromised by his work, by people who he had no knowledge of prior to receiving their hail, but Spock had not been able to stem his reactions.

Spock's face barely showed the murky sea of emotion that he was attempting to wade through as he went further into his meditation. The only clue that he was recalling something particularly disturbing, the remains of a child that had been victim to an energy pulse from a warbird at edge of the last city that stood, was that his eyebrows moved together slightly. It had been that infant that had set off a swirl of anger, fear, revulsion and resentment that Spock had never succumbed to before. Spock had lost control at the beginning of his mission on the Enterprise and promised himself that he would not let it happen again; however, he thought that even the most stoic full blooded Vulcan would have reacted to the things that he had seen.

Spock took a deep breath, expecting the familiar scent of the burning oil to center him further so that he could examine these reactions and come to a logical way to process them. Spock knew that death and destruction were common place in the universe and that reacting to all of it would be futile, both in terms of stemming it and in terms of remaining focused on his mission; however, since he had allowed himself to love Nyota and his daughter, these things became all the more present to him. Spock took another deep breath, unsatisfied with the lack of scent from his lamp. Again, he smelled nothing. Spock slowly rose back through his consciousness and opened his eyes.

Spock quickly scuttled toward the baby. She was on all fours and had been, apparently, intrigued by the flicker of the flame. Spock pulled her into his arms quickly and examined her for burns or other injury. She was fine, the only thing of notice was the amount of saliva that seeped onto her face and clothing. Spock raised an eyebrow at her. McCoy had informed them that she would begin drooling excessively at this age, her body preparing for teething. Spock examined the lamp. It was cool to the touch, the wick moist. Spock sniffed the air and noticed that there was almost no odor of the oil's natural incense. Spock considered the time that he had been meditating and then considered his daughter. Spock had no idea that she could move that quickly. It seemed improbable for her to have awakened from a deep sleep, managing to get to the lamp and snuffing it out with drool before it could become a threat in such a short amount of time; however, there were no other logical explanations.

"I do not believe that either of us was aware that she was able to crawl Nyota." Spock said to Nyota, hopeful that her scowl would diminish.

"Spock, she's been rolling over and pulling herself around." Nyota shook her head in exasperation.

"Based on the observations of her that I have made in the last three weeks the probability of her being mobile at this time were under twenty percent. Eighteen point three two eight percent actually." Spock said, a faint amount of defensiveness creeping into his voice.

"Spock, it's okay." Nyota said, placing her hands on either side of his face. "Parents make mistakes, alright? Thankfully she wasn't hurt." Nyota closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Just be more careful?

Spock did not think it was a matter of him being careless; instead, he thought that Ama was exceeding their expectations. Spock decided that he would adjust his expectations accordingly; after all, Nyota was exceptional and had always surpassed any predictions that he had made about her. It made sense that Ama would do so as well. Several weeks had gone by before Spock realized that this was not going to be an adequate solution.

Nyota had informed Spock that Ama was crawling toward the door in the morning when she was leaving for her shift. She had told him that the baby was moving more and more quickly and that it caused her a certain amount of emotional distress to see their daughter come after her and cling to her legs as she tried to leave for the bridge. Spock was vaguely aware that this was happening because he was in the same room but he had not really given it his focus until Nyota had mentioned it.

Indeed, Spock had noticed that every time that he stood to accomplish something, Ama was there, under foot. Whether it was preparing a bottle of enriched almond milk for her or attempting to review scientific journals, the baby could be counted on to arrive within seconds. It was only because Spock was vigilant since the incident with the lamp that he was able to avoid her. He cringed inwardly at the thought of what might happen if someone else were in their quarters or if there was an emergent situation in which Spock could not be counted on to be as conscientious as he normally was about his footfalls.

"A moment father." Spock said as he stooped to lift Ama, who appeared from nowhere, from the floor. "You were saying that New Vulcan was going to attempt to mine for dilithium?"

"Yes." Sarek peered through the view screen at the baby. "She has grown much."

"Yes." Spock said, turning the baby to face the screen as he sat down and secured her in his lap.

"Is she mobile?" Sarek asked, studying the child.

"Of course." Spock said, adding, "She is quite advanced."

"I see." Sarek placed a finger on his chin. "Have you secured your quarters with appropriate barriers?"

"Barriers?" Spock said, his eyes widened. "She is not a criminal father."

"No. She is an infant." Sarek looked at Spock for a moment. "It is your job to keep her safe Spock, as she has no idea what dangers she might stumble into. She has not grown enough to develop a logical fear of the unknown."

"I do not believe that Nyota and I will avail ourselves of such techniques." Spock said hastily. He could not believe that his father was considering such an archaic means of controlling his granddaughter. Spock had seen such things, Terrans called them 'baby-gates' and used them to foil children's progress. Spock thought that the gates were useless for any parent that was actually mindful of where his child was from time to time. Besides, Spock thought, their quarters had been made resistant to child dangers and, especially now that his lamp was only lit while it was on a high surface, there was no place that Ama could not go safely.

"Do consider it Spock." Sarek said, a note of warning in his voice. "Children are incredibly spontaneous creatures. They will not avail themselves of rational thought. Your mother and I used such restraints with you. It saved you unnecessary injury."

Spock told Nyota of his conversation with his father and was surprised to learn that she agreed with him.

"Think about it Spock. She's not going to be crawling for long. In a few months she'll start walking. I think it's practical for us to prepare for that. The last thing we need is for her to climb onto something and turn on a faucet or erase some work we've done. I like the idea that we're good enough parents to always be there but the fact is, I think, we're not perfect. We're not going to be able to be there constantly." Nyota looked over at Ama, who was chewing on the ear of a toy bear. "She's craftier than she looks Spock. She's going to figure out our quarters in no time."

Spock found Nyota's attitude dubious. He was sure that he would not be outdone by a person who had not even lived a full year. Ama could not adequately feed herself and she continued to urinate indiscriminately. Spock doubted that she would be able to cause much damage. Yes, her crawling had been a challenge at first, although, only because he had been surprised. Spock had decided that he would no longer be surprised by his daughter's accomplishments and developments. He knew that she would be walking soon and he would be ready. Without the help of physical barriers. Spock was so sure of himself that he was able to ignore Nyota's skeptical face and doubtful 'mmmm hmmm'.

Spock thought that Nyota attending a linguistics conference on Andoria was the perfect opportunity for him to prove that she was overestimating the challenges associated with Ama's mobility. She had gone behind Spock's back and asked Sarek to send the child barriers along, explaining to Spock that they were 'just in case' he changed his mind. Spock had struggled to repress a frown. Spock could tell that Nyota thought he was being illogical and bordering on arrogant but she said nothing, he simply could feel it through their link.

Spock had taken to laying down with Ama stretched out on his chest. He found that focusing on her biological functions, her heartbeat and breathing especially, was soothing and he enjoyed connecting to her mind as she drifted off to sleep. Spock did not think that he would ever get tired of this time with his daughter. Even in slumber she was fascinating.

On the day that Nyota was set to return from her conference Spock was resting in this manner on the small sofa in their quarters. Nyota had already called to check in, Spock assuring her that everything was fine. Nyota had been particularly concerned that she would miss Ama's first independent steps but such an event had not happened yet. Ama had figured out how to hoist herself up and creep along furniture but had yet to take any steps independently.

Spock had come in recently from his shift. Because he desired to keep the baby in the ship's nursery as seldom as possible, he had been staying up to account for the time that Nyota would have been available. Spock could admit that it was more difficult than he thought, doing the job of two parents while trying to keep up on his own work. Still, he was glad to report that he had been able to manage Ama's movements without problem.

As Ama dozed on his chest Spock began to drift off slightly, the drowsy thoughts of his daughter infiltrating his mind through his fingertips. Spock had not realized he was so tired. He would have to document the amount of sleep he received when Nyota was home to compare it to his experience without her. Ama's weight caused him to slip further into sleep. Spock decided that he would only close his eyes for a moment while he listened to his daughter's steady breathing.

Spock woke up when the door swooshed closed. He opened his eyes and saw Nyota placing her bag onto a table. Spock took her in, a pleasant feeling growing within him. He had missed her far more than anticipated. Spock moved his arms to steady Ama while he sat up and was surprised to see that she wasn't there. Spock looked at Nyota. She stared at him as the information flowed to her that he had no idea where the baby had gone. They stared at each other, it finally dawning on Spock that he might, in fact, have been thwarted by an infant. Nyota and Spock found the baby a few moments later. They simply stood, their eyes glazed over, and stared at her.

"You're cleaning that up Spock." Nyota said shortly. They had found the baby on a chair.

"Yes. I understand." Spock said quietly. She had managed to crawl or walk, Spock did not know which, into the small alcove that held the replicator. The replicator had not been set with the baby's safety in mind.

"And we're using those baby gates." Nyota said in a voice that Spock recognized as one that indicated that her words were not open for discussion. Ama had pulled herself upright on the frame of a chair. It appeared that she had determined how to use one of the chair's stability bars as a ladder, pulling herself onto the seat easily.

"Yes. I can see that such a practice would be logical." Spock admitted at last. The baby had then pressed all of the buttons on the replicator, jamming it.

"And I don't want to hear anything else about how good parents _should _do things Spock." Nyota whispered, her lips a thin line. "I'm going to go take a bath. I expect you to clean the bathroom when you're done cleaning her up as well." Nyota finished. Before the replicator jammed it produced every substance that had been programmed into it in the last three weeks. Ama was covered in an awful mixture of soy milk, almond milk, peanut butter, avocado, ice cream, fruit juice and any number of other things that the family had consumed. Thankfully they had been taking their hot meals in the mess hall and there had been nothing scalding or dangerous that had come from the machine.

"Of course not." Spock took a deep breath that sounded suspiciously like a sigh. The baby was happily tasting everything around her. She was soaked through her clothes and her hair was plastered to her head. "I do not believe that I had fallen asleep for very long ashayam." Spock said apologetically.

"I don't want to hear it Spock." Nyota said, turning toward the room that held the shower. "Just clean it up."

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Author's note: Sorry for the delay folks. I hope you like it, I'll be attempting to post more regularly here shortly. I'm on holiday for much of June so I should be a chapter posting fanatic.


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: I don't own star trek or any of its associated content

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"I wouldn't worry about it too much Spock." McCoy said as he scanned Ama's chart.

"But she should a least be functioning at a Human level should she not?" Spock asked for the fourth time in as many minutes.

"I don't think it's a black and white issue Commander." McCoy rolled his eyes at Spock, eliciting a smile from Nyota. "Human children do generally say a few words by the end of their first year but she's not entirely Human. It's my understanding that Vulcan children begin vocalizing much later."

"Yes. That is true; however, Vulcan children have the benefit of touch telepathy. The test results that you've run on our daughter have not established that she is equipped with such abilities." Spock's eyebrows came together.

"They haven't established that she isn't a touch telepath either Spock. Just relax okay? She's healthy and there is nothing that would indicate that she's developmentally delayed in any area..." McCoy was trying to be reassuring but Spock interrupted him again.

"Except for her language development skills." Spock said tersely.

"We don't even know where she should be in that regard Spock." McCoy sighed, frustration crossing his face. "She's walking fine, neurologically she seems to be fine. We can't really hold her to a strict Human or Vulcan development timetable since she's both and neither." McCoy shook his head and turned to Nyota to seek help in reassuring Spock.

"Spock, Len is right. I think she'll talk just fine when she's ready. She's only one after all, let's not get too worked up about it okay?" Nyota said softly. "We never know. She may mimic your language development more than mine."

Spock was still not satisfied; however, he understood that there was no further purpose in arguing the point with McCoy. It was not just that the baby was not speaking yet, it was that she was making very few noises at all. It had concerned Spock enough to have her tested for hearing problems months earlier. He had been unsure if her lack of mimicking could be due to the fact that she heard nothing.

The test results had shown that Ama's hearing was fine, however, she was still uninterested in imitation. Nyota and McCoy acted as though Spock wanted her to be conversing fluently but all he wanted was to hear his daughter's voice. She did cry, giggle and gurgle but Spock did not count that as the same as the vocalizations that would eventually become words. Spock was frustrated. He was more frustrated that no one seemed to take his concerns seriously.

Spock wondered if he was doing something wrong. When he touched Ama's hands or temples he could feel her thoughts, unorganized but distinct, clearly. She easily distinguished between her parents and others, smiling up at Spock from her crib. She seemed to understand certain things; she understood 'no' and had begun to look when her name was called, as well. Could it be that Spock was not stimulating her properly? Perhaps his extreme efficiency with words was somehow leading his daughter to develop more slowly. Spock decided that he would make more attempts to speak to Ama, hopeful that she would respond by saying something.

It had all started when the Mookerjees had been transferred to the ship with their son Ian. Spock had done as much reading on Vulcan and Human child development as was prudent but he had been surprised when Ian Mookerjee, who was approximately the same age as Ama, referred to his parents as 'mama' and 'dada'. The Mookerjees, a weapons specialist and a xenobotanist, had denied that they did anything in particular to evoke their son's speech patterns. Indeed, Spock observed that every time he encountered their son in the nursery he seemed to have picked up a new word or was responding to a particular turn of phrase that he had not been able to the last time.

"Hello Ama." Spock said the morning after his unproductive talk with McCoy.

The baby simply looked at Spock, offering him a wet and sparsely toothed smile.

"Are you well?" Spock tried again, hoping that Ama would grunt or coo or make some noise other than a wail in response. Again, she said nothing, opting instead to reach for her father's communicator. Spock raised an eyebrow at her.

"Perhaps you desire a different type of nourishment this morning?" Spock queried, his head tilted to one side. "I do believe that the replicator has been updated and perhaps contains mashed gespar. Your mother dislikes gespar, however, I find it to be quite palatable. Do you have a preference for it over the standard soy formula and rice cereal?"

Again, the infant made no noise in response to Spock's attempts at conversation. Spock's eyebrows came together. This was not effective. There must be an educational material suitable for children of this age that would stimulate their vocal patterns.

"Spock?" Nyota stuck her head around the corner and looked at him. Her hair was still damp from the shower. "Who are you talking to?"

"I am..." Spock paused to consider what he should say. He was sure that Nyota would chastise him for focusing on their daughter's lack of vocalization. She believed that Ama should be allowed to flourish in whatever manner that occurred naturally. It was becoming a major point of contention between them. It was not a Vulcan way to allow the mind to grow without direction and with no expectation. "I am merely asking our daughter if she would prefer mashed gespar this morning. I think that it is an appropriate question considering her Vulcan heritage. She may enjoy it considering that she has more Vulcan blood than you do."

"_Okay_." Nyota looked skeptical. "Well, you can give her mashed gespar if you'd like to." Nyota frowned slightly before returning to her morning grooming ritual.

Spock and Nyota were, to Spock's satisfaction, working the same shift presently. Spock spent a great deal of effort in ensuring that he did not treat Nyota preferentially while they were on the bridge. He acknowledged, however, that if another crew member requested a certain shift for a familial obligation that he would have granted it. Spock saw no reason why he should withhold such action from his own family. Currently Ama was free from the various childhood illnesses that were so prevalent and it allowed Spock to actually schedule Nyota to be on the bridge at the same time as he was. It was favorable because they would be able to spend time together as a family at the end of their shift, something that occurred infrequently when they were balancing childcare and their duty aboard the bridge. If Spock had his way, he would always scheduled Nyota to be near him.

Because Spock required less sleep, he usually attended to Ama's morning care. He was able to see to his fitness needs, his own grooming and his meditation rituals all before Nyota woke up. Spock actually preferred interacting with Ama in the morning. She was far less prone to poor mood when she was freshly rested. She was more inquisitive in the morning as well, preferring to inspect objects and maintain interest for substantial periods of time. Spock thought that his morning time with Ama would be the very best time to further focus on her language skills.

"So why are you suddenly talking to Ama? You're not still trying to make it into a competition between Ama to Ian are you?" Nyota asked after they'd dropped the baby off at the nursery. They were walking to the bridge and it would have been quite pleasant if Nyota had not decided to make Spock's goals seem like a childish endeavor.

"I have no such intention." Spock said coolly. "I do, however, believe that speaking to Ama will assist her in her linguistic capacity. I would have thought that you, of all people, would be invested in her linguistic development Nyota."

"Right then." Nyota rolled her eyes. "It has nothing to do with the fact that you heard Ian Mookerjee call Lieutenant Mookerjee 'mama' at the nursery last week?"

"Is it inappropriate for a father to take an interest in his child's development?" Spock knew that answering Nyota's question with another question was a sure way to prove that she was right about his true motivations; however, he did not wish to acknowledge that she was correct at this time. Spock believed that these were called battles for the moral high ground.

"Okay." Nyota laughed to herself as they boarded the turbolift. She kissed Spock on the cheek just before the lift doors opened onto the bridge. "I hope that you have a productive day Commander." Nyota said over her shoulder as she walked toward her station.

Over then next several weeks Spock made an increased effort to speak while he was with Ama. He focused on her thoughts and when a particularly distinct thought became evident to him he would clearly say the word that corresponded to the thought. Spock also spent more time reading to the child. He even made recordings of himself to play for her before her naps at the nursery. He had asked the nursery attendants to talk to her more frequently as well but Spock doubted that they were complying with his request. Spock had gotten so used to talking to Ama that he failed to distinguish when it might be inappropriate to do so.

"Perhaps, Ama, tomorrow you and I would do well to watch the three dimensional chess championships on deck seven with other members of the crew." Spock said as he carried Ama from the nursery. "Although I wonder if it their commentary would be suitable for someone your age."

Ama leaned into her father's neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Although it was not a vocal response to his query, Spock found the gesture to be deeply satisfying.

"Do you find the area between my neck and shoulder particularly well suited for the shape of your head?" Spock asked softly as he walked down the ship's corridor. "I tend to agree. Perhaps there is an evolutionary basis for the correspondence."

"Commander?" Kirk said, a look of confusion on his face.

When Spock turned to look at him he noticed that Kirk was not alone. Standing to one side was the Bajoran Ambassador and on the other side of the Bajoran was Nyota, undoubtedly acting as interpretor.

"Yes Captain?" Spock responded. Spock knew that the Bajoran ambassador was set to be aboard the ship and that he was due in a meeting with her later. Spock assumed that Kirk and Nyota were giving the woman a tour of the ship.

"Who are you talking to?" Kirk asked.

"Ah." Spock considered the question. Nyota shook her head slightly. "I was simply musing aloud. A logical action as I believe the sound of my voice is comforting to my daughter."

The Bajoran woman looked at Spock for a long while before turning to Nyota and speaking. Nyota closed her eyes and sighed before responding. The two spoke for several moments before Nyota seemed to finish and turned to Spock and Kirk.

"She wonders if Spock is truly Vulcan. She says that she has never heard of a Vulcan interacting with a child in such a manner." Nyota paused. "I informed her that Commander Spock was, in fact, half-Vulcan; however, that she should not be alarmed by his interactions with his daughter."

After his meeting with the ambassador Spock sat and watched as Nyota fed the baby.

"Do you think that I have caused the Bajoran ambassador to lose confidence in the administration of the ship?" Spock asked.

"What?" Nyota looked up from Ama's dish of pureed bananas. "No Spock. Of course not. Who cares what she thinks anyway." Nyota shook her head. "Despite the fact that you won't admit that your crusade to get Ama to talk is a result of you refusal to accept that the Mookerjee baby is speaking and Ama isn't, I think it's a good idea to talk to Ama. Plus you're sort of adorable talking to her." Nyota smiled broadly at him.

"Perhaps you are correct." Spock leaned back against his chair. "Perhaps there is an aspect of competition in my concern. That is unlikely to be useful in Ama's development. You are likely correct. Ama will begin speaking at the time that is appropriate for her."

"Don't worry Spock. I'm sure that when Ama's older she'll blow Ian out of the water with her Vulcan memory, metabolism, telepathy and all the rest that she got in terms of exceptional Vulcan and Human genetics." Nyota stood and leaned across to Spock, kissing him lightly on the lips.

Spock tried to resign himself to Nyota's perspective; however, as the weeks passed Ama continued to make no sounds. He was increasingly concerned. Spock could sense that she was content though and, finally, he decided that his daughter's contentment was far more important than any external signs that did not meet with those of another child. Spock continued his daily routine with his daughter and made every effort to enjoy it for what it was.

Some time later Spock was required attend a summit along side the captain on an Andorian colony. He was expected on the planet at 0200 hours which would prevent him from his morning ritual with the baby. Spock knew that Nyota would be there to take care of her but Spock still lingered along side her crib, watching her sleep and tempted to wake her up before he left. Ultimately, he opted not to disturb her slumber; however, as he turned to leave the little girl detected his movement and began to stir.

"Do not worry ko-fu. I will return this evening. We will resume our normal routine tomorrow." Spock said softly.

Ama began to cry. Spock did not wish for her to cry, especially when he sensed that it was due to his anticipated absence. Spock returned to the crib and lifted her into his arms. He placed his face against her dense curls, inhaling the scent of vanilla and the slightly sweet scent of soy milk that permeated nearly everything that related to the baby. The baby quieted shortly and began to doze in his arms. Spock knew that it was nearing the time that he needed to leave but he was having difficulty letting Ama go.

"Rest well. I will see you soon." Spock whispered into the girl's spirals and gently placed her down.

Spock made it out to the living area of their quarters and acknowledged that he only had twelve minutes to make it to the transporter room. As the door swooshed open, light from the corridor spilled into the darkness and the baby began to wail. Spock could hear Nyota moving in their bedroom and he decided it would be best for him to leave quickly. It would be very easy for him to become mired in a cycle of soothing his daughter and ignoring his duty. Still, he felt each cry in his core. As Spock stepped out into the light of the corridor he caught Nyota's entry into the baby's room out of the corner of his eye. Spock nodded to himself, taking heart in the fact that Ama's mother would comfort her shortly. As the door began to close however, Spock heard the cry change.

"_Saaaaaaaaaaaaaah meeeeeeeeeeeeeeekh"_ Ama wailed. Spock stared at the door for twenty three seconds, his heart pounding suddenly. The cry stopped then. Spock took a deep breath and tried to find the strength to move his feet to toward the transporter room where the captain waited for him.

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this story. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

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"I don't know." Nyota looked at Spock with an unspoken, but well thought, plea for support against the stern gaze of her father in law.

"Nyota." Sarek responded, "You, as a bonded pair, have not taken more than a day away from your child in over eighteen months. It is illogical for you to insist that no one else has the ability to care for her beyond yourself and my son."

"Nyota is correct father." Spock said in Nyota's defense. "We are not in need of respite at this time. We are content in our duties both as parents and aboard the bridge."

If Spock didn't know better, he would have sworn that Sarek was expressing exasperation. The Enterprise was back in the Alpha quadrant and had received orders to escort a party of diplomats to a conference where those in attendance would attempt to come to a workable peace in the neutral zone with the Klingons. Sarek was among the party and would be on the ship for several weeks while they made their way toward the beta quadrant and the disputed Klingon boundaries.

Sarek had approached Nyota alone and suggested that she and Spock take a short trip together while they were still within transporter range to many of the resorts in this section of the Alpha quadrant. It would be illogical, Sarek had argued, to miss an opportunity to leave the baby with a family member. Sarek was using his best appeals to logic to convince her but Spock had interrupted and cut him off, rebutting each point easily. Despite his rational answers to his father's proposal, Sarek continued to try to persuade Nyota and Spock believed that she was slowly losing her resolve.

"You know Spock. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea." Nyota said as they lay next to each other. "We haven't had any time away from the ship since Ama was three months old. We haven't had any time to ourselves since she was born. We certainly have the leave accumulated." Nyota propped herself onto her arm and looked down at Spock.

"Do you truly believe that my father is capable of reliably keeping pace with Ama?" Spock said as he recalled the fact that he had sprinted at top speed down the ship's corridor to capture the naked, escaped toddler that had, apparently, determined how to override the security precautions on the door to their quarters.

"He did okay with you. Plus, really, in terms of Vulcan aging he isn't that much older. He's certainly still of child producing years now." Nyota's gaze wandered off as she took a moment to think. "There's an extensive history of Vulcans having and rearing children at your father's age."

"My question was not whether my father was capable of producing children." Spock's eyebrows drew together slightly and in alarm as he considered his father impregnating the elder T'Mana, who he had recently taken up house with after several years of close friendship. "It was whether he was capable of caring for _our_ child."

"I don't know Spock. I trust Sarek. And it would only be a couple of days. A weekend really." Nyota lowered herself to Spock's level and let her lips brush the tips of his ears lightly as she whispered. "We haven't been able to be _ourselves_ you know, since we're trying not to wake the baby. It might be nice to make whatever noises, do whatever we'd like to for a day or two."

What Nyota was saying was certainly true. The abundant sexual encounters that they had enjoyed together while at the Academy and during the first portion of their mission on the Enterprise seemed to stop suddenly after Nyota entered her second trimester of pregnancy. The underlying desire reappeared again abruptly late in the final portion of the gestation period but since then, sexual contact had been reduced by eighty two percent. Even after Nyota had stopped breast feeding and had regained much of what she deemed to be her normal sexual appetite, they were hindered by conflicting schedules and, as Nyota had just pointed out, a sensitivity to what the baby might perceive aurally in their cramped home. Spock admitted, inwardly, that the idea of having Nyota to himself was appealing.

Spock could not, however, admit this outwardly. Logic dictated that one should put the interests of their child ahead of their own and it seemed wholly inappropriate to acknowledge that he would leave his daughter, the person he was truly most interested in demonstrating his best behavior for, in order to participate in activities that were not necessary for their immediate survival and, if some circumstance arose that such activity would be essential, could be accomplished on the ship without leaving her behind.

"I think it is illogical." Spock said as he focused on the small luminescent glow of the alarm clock at the foot of their bed. Anything was preferable to Nyota's cool lips against his ear. If he focused on the feeling of the plump, soft flesh as it moved against his sensitive lobes, he would be undone. "If you are truly interested in having a more... unrestrained encounter, I am sure it can be arranged while we are aboard the ship, while the baby is at the nursery. Perhaps you could ask Lieutenant Pearson to fill in for you?"

"Whatever Spock." Nyota sighed loudly and rolled over, away from Spock.

Spock recognized this behavior as an indications that Nyota was upset; however, it was illogical for her to be upset by a practical suggestion that was a compromise. Was she not often suggesting that he compromise in his interactions with members of the crew or, in particular, with McCoy? Spock turned his head and looked at Nyota's back. She closed her mind to him.

"I suspect that you will respond and indicate that you are 'fine'; however, I feel it necessary to ask, have I said something that has upset you?" Spock asked quietly. "I am often confused when you are upset by logical behavior. Even after all of this time." Nyota was one of the most logical women he knew, Vulcan or Human, but she still had her moments.

"I'm fine Spock." Nyota muttered.

"Are you sure?" Spock had predicted this response and he wondered about the logic of asking the question when he already knew the answer.

"Yes." Nyota sighed loudly again and moved away from him slightly.

"Very well." Spock looked at Nyota one more time. "Sleep well."

Over the next few days Nyota's vocabulary seemed, to Spock, to diminish significantly. She only responded monosyllabically to his queries and her mind remained closed to him at nearly all points during the day. Spock considered asking others about it but, due to his own efficiency with words, decided that it would seem unusual for him to complain about Nyota's suddenly sparse speech.

"So... off the record, is something going on with you two?" Kirk said as Spock was turning to leave his office and return to his duties. Spock had come in to confer regarding the security precautions that would be necessary upon arrival near the Klingon borders. "I don't mean to pry but Lieutenant Commander Uhura seems... tense." Kirk widened his hands.

"I apologize if it is affecting the environment on the bridge Captain." Spock said looking down. "I will speak with Lieutenant Commander Uhura about it at once." Spock's face was neutral but he was sure that his discomfort was palpable.

"No. It's nothing so important Spock. I just... notice things. Is there anything I can do to help? You know, she's not impervious to my charm." Kirk smiled, Spock supposed, genuinely.

"Although she has not indicated as much, I believe that she is disappointed that she and I will not be taking a short holiday together. She will move on from this disappointment. There is no need to involve yourself." Spock said after a long pause. He trusted Kirk to be discrete about his relationship among the rest of the crew but Kirk frequently found that it was acceptable to insert himself into his relationship with Nyota. Spock did not find it appropriate. Nyota explained that it was a Terran custom found in many cultures. She also explained that there were notable exceptions and indicated that the term used when someone's interference was unwanted was 'butting in'.

"A vacation? Kirk's face enlivened. "That sounds like a great idea. Who'd take care of the little one though? You wouldn't want to take her with you." Kirk's face turned serious. "You two certainly deserve a break. I'd do it but, you know..." Kirk trailed off.

"There is no need for a 'break' captain. We are very content in our duties. Further, our daughter's needs for the care of her parents take priority over unnecessary luxuries. This is logical." Spock proclaimed.

"So..." Kirk asked as Spock was turning to leave for the second time. "If that's true, why do you think Uhura's upset?"

As Spock sat in the mess hall he pondered Kirk's question. Despite his displeasure at Kirk's need to comment on the relationships around him, it had not escaped Spock that the man was somewhat perceptive. Spock knew that Nyota was devoted to the care of their daughter and it puzzled Spock that she had been swayed by his father in the first place. And now, it did not seem logical that she would want to leave Ama for any amount of time. Spock could feel the buzz of love in Nyota's mind every time she looked at their daughter.

"Spock. Do you mind if I join you?" Sarek said as he looked at the unfamiliar faces in the mess hall.

"No father. Please sit." Spock said absently.

"Am I interrupting your thought process?" Sarek hesitated.

"No. I am merely considering a comment that the captain made. It seems logical from a certain perspective but the situation itself, I suppose, seems illogical."

"Perhaps I can be of assistance?" Sarek said as he settled in the chair across from his son. "I am sure that being aboard a ship full of intelligent yet illogical beings must be taxing."

"Yes." Spock raised an eyebrow. It had been Sarek's illogical suggestion that they leave Ama in his care that had started this. Spock was fairly sure that Nyota had not considered such an absence on her own.

"What is the situation?" Sarek said as he forked a bite of grilled gespar root into his mouth.

"Nyota is currently not speaking to me. I suspect it is because I will not agree to go away with her." Spock decided it was best to begin with the truth.

"That is the illogical situation that you referenced?" Sarek said, his voice steady but his eyes betraying disbelief. Spock tried to quell his defensiveness.

"Yes." Spock said. "It is illogical to leave Ama at this point in her development. Even for a short amount of time, for her to be thrust into a situation that disrupts her routine and deprives her of her parents could set the development of her emotional restraint back significantly."

Sarek looked at Spock for a very long time. Spock tried to decipher what his father was thinking, even going as far as pressing against their parental bond to ascertain the basis of his reluctance to speak. Spock then, uncharacteristically, went back over his own words when his father failed to respond. Perhaps he had not explained the situation clearly.

"Spock do you value your relationship with Nyota?" Sarek asked after his considerable silence.

"Clearly." Spock said without hesitation.

"If that is the case, is it logical to ignore her needs for companionship until you are satisfied that your daughter has developed in the manner you see fit? Do you believe that Nyota will remain in your life, ignored, until Ama has reached adulthood?"

"I..." Spock opened his mouth and closed it again.

"Or did you have a specific date in mind at which point it would become appropriate for you to relate to your bond mate as your _bond mate_?" Sarek stared at Spock directly. Spock had, during his time on New Vulcan, found that his father offered reasonable advice on relating to a Human woman. At the time it seemed quite logical that his father would have insight on the subject due to his relationship with his mother. Spock found his father's parenting advice dubious despite the fact that, so far, he had been correct in each instance. Now he found himself conflicted.

"Your daughter will never develop emotional restraint if she has no strong emotions to restrain Spock. If you are there to tend to her every need and you fail to allow her to discover things for herself she will never learn the extent of her strength or the depth of the emotions that fill her." Sarek continued. "I assure you that Human women, and women who are Human to the degree that your bond mate is, do not appreciate their partners ignoring opportunities to reestablish emotional and physical intimacy in favor of maintaining a routine that is easily resumed later. I would even go as far as to assert that they will fully reject such a proposition, reacting with anger that would be far more damaging to the environment that your child is receiving care in than a short time away from her parental units."

"You are suggesting that it would be more logical to consider the effect of Nyota's demeanor on our household as a whole, and upon our bond, than the immediate impact on Ama?"

"I am suggesting that Ama will scarcely recall your short departure however she will certainly notice longstanding resentment between her parents. I believe that I heard Admiral Pike, many years ago, say something to the effect of "Happy wife, happy life." I believe such a colloquial phrase is apt in this instance."

Spock spent the next several hours considering his father's advice. He would ask Nyota directly; however, he suspected that his father was correct. Spock did not wish to leave the baby. He quite enjoyed her company every morning but Sarek had been correct; he would return later and it was likely that Ama would have renewed appreciation for the presence of her parents upon their return. Spock looked out of his office door at Nyota and considered what it might be like to revisit an earlier portion of their lives, one where they smashed into walls together, screamed their desire until they were hoarse and wandered around for the morning without need of clothing. Despite his own inclinations toward routine, Spock had enjoyed such spontaneity, especially when they finally lived together.

When Nyota returned to their quarters with Ama at the end of her shift she still was not in the mood to speak to Spock.

"Ashayam?" Spock said as Nyota set Ama into her high chair and turned to take off her boots. "I have been considering your suggestion that we take a short holiday. I think that it would be beneficial." Spock said hoping that his turnaround would be well received.

"Really?" Nyota looked at Spock suddenly, a clear look of skepticism on her face.

"Yes. I believe that Ama will appreciate our presence more when we return and that a short time away will refresh us. Do you still wish to go? I understand that Tricet IV along the course that we are set upon. I have read that there is a a beach front resort there."

Nyota smiled broadly at Spock and embraced him tightly. She was nearly bouncing with happiness. She and Spock, with Ama between them, made reservations for a bungalow at an all inclusive resort for a stay of approximately forty two hours. With Nyota's mood improved, her mind was open and filled with images of love making, relaxation and long intimate conversations. These thoughts flowed into Spock's mind and acted as aphrodisiacs. He had not recognized how much they both missed these activities with their focus being solely on the care of the baby.

A week later Spock steeled himself against the thought of Ama's cries as he and Nyota headed toward the transporter room. Surprisingly, however, the baby did not seem to notice as her parents exited, fussing over her and repeating instructions unnecessarily. Ama, for her part, seemed to be engrossed with determining the origin of Sarek's hands beneath the folds of his robe. Nyota took Spock's hand as they stood on the transporter pad and Spock felt the electric tingle of desire and anticipation in her fingertips.

Upon arrival at the Tricet Sunrise Resort Spock and Nyota quickly contacted the ship to ensure that the baby was well. Sarek chastised them for calling less than two hours after leaving but assured them that Ama was napping after a lunch time meal of cheese, crackers and fruit. Spock was relieved, although a bit disappointed that Ama seemed to be functioning so well without them.

"So." Nyota said as she finished her tour of the cabin. "Are you ready?" She grinned and pressed herself against Spock, dragging her fingernails lightly against his small of his back.

"I am always ready." Spock said, feeling a sudden rush of desire flood through his body. This was a suggestion that he would have to thank his father for, this time alone with his bond mate. Spock had gotten so used to going without Nyota's attentions that he had forgotten how much he enjoyed them.

Nyota stood tiptoe and kissed Spock, exploring his mouth with her own. Spock's grip tightened around her waist and he felt himself react predictably below his waist. The kiss deepened, Spock's mouth bruised against Nyota's lips and teeth. Spock pulled back to look down on Nyota, to appreciate this time that they would have together. He wondered how he could have let things slip so far, how he could have ignored this part of his relationship so easily.

"What?" Nyota said breathlessly.

"I am merely considering how I will make our lovemaking a priority when we return to the ship. It is intolerable that we have allowed it to lose it's importance." Spock spoke matter-of-factly.

"That sounds great to me." Nyota said, gently kissing Spock's neck and shoulder.

"A moment Nyota." Spock said, kissing her again briefly. He decided that it would be more prudent to tend to his non-sexual biological needs now instead of interrupting what would could be the best instance of physical intimacy that Spock had participated in years.

Spock returned from the sanitary facility after drying his hands. He had also taken a moment to ensure that his oral hygiene was immaculate. As he returned to the bedroom suite he saw that Nyota lay in only an undergarment. Spock thought that everything that Nyota wore had roughly the same purpose but he could admit that he did appreciate these lacy garments more now that they were parents. As he drew closer to the bed he took in Nyota's body, the warm color of her skin contrasting with the stark bedding, her hair free and flowing across the pillows like solid black tendrils of smoke, the slow steady rise and fall of her chest. Spock cocked an eyebrow. Why was she breathing in that manner?

"Nyota?" Spock said quietly as he pulled his trousers down and crawled upon the bed next to her. Her eyes were closed. Spock stopped. "Nyota?" He asked again. Spock kneeled above her on the edge of the bed and looked down. Certainly she was pretending in order to surprise him? He had felt her arousal and now she was here in such a revealing garment, so what _appeared_ to be true could not be the case. Could it? No. Certainly not, especially after the amount of anger that Nyota displayed at being denied an opportunity of this sort. "Nyota?" She did not say anything. After several seconds elapsed, Nyota only responded with a light snore.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

* * *

The Enterprise returned to the Alpha quadrant after sustaining a small amount of damage in the neutral zone. Most of the repairs had been conducted during the return trip; however, Starfleet command directed the captain to set course for Earth for more comprehensive inspection. Spock noticed that the crew seemed significantly buoyed by this news and he was inundated with requests for shore leave. He could grant some but the departments, specifically those with goals not directly related to the functioning of the ship, needed to continue. The Enterprise's science departments and communications divisions specifically had deadlines that would be unaltered by the ship's repair status.

"You're not serious." Nyota said as the door to his office closed.

"To what are you referring to Lieutenant Commander Uhura?" Spock said, keeping his eyes on his work.

"You denied _all _of the requests for shore leave from my department Spock! What am I supposed to tell them? You approved the requests for most, if not all, of their spouses and friends."

"The communications department has ongoing duties Lieutenant Commander. I cannot allow the projects that are in progress to fall to the wayside merely because other members of the crew have been granted shore leave." Spock looked up at last and was surprised to see that Nyota was frowning. No, that was not the correct term for this emotional expression. She was scowling. "Is there a problem?" Spock asked.

"Spock I just... I don't even." Nyota was considerably flustered as she threw her hands up, turned on her heel and left the office.

Over the next few days Spock watched as the ship's corridors emptied and enjoyed the quiet of the bridge as crew members began taking shore leave. It was just Nyota and Spock for many hours of the day and Spock thought it was a fine idea to bring Ama onto the bridge. Nyota did not need to be at her station since the ship was not in motion and she spent most of her time sharing an office with Spock.

"I cannot help but think that this arrangement is reminiscent of our time at the academy." Spock said, feelings of affection filtering through his link to Nyota.

"Hmm." Nyota said absently. "I'm sorry Commander? What?" Nyota was reading something on a PADD.

"I said that this, you and I sharing an office, reminds me of our time at the academy Nyota." Spock pushed affection harder and was pleased, recalling the hours and hours in which he and Nyota would work together, content to just be in the same room without being questioned. "Things have changed much." Spock said a moment later, grateful for his ability to be with Nyota openly.

"Ama? Stop that!" Nyota turned to face the toddler who had a hand on one of Spock's number of chess sets and was prepared to pull it, a heavy box made of Andorian marble, down onto herself. "Spock take that out of her hand. Quick! She's going to hit her head."

Spock exhaled loudly but complied with Nyota's instructions. It was true that the chess set would have hurt the baby but Spock felt somewhat disappointed that Nyota was not joining him in his contented reverie. Perhaps it was his own fault for not taking time to make the office safe for Ama. Spock's office was fairly spartan but for the number of PADDs that were stacked on his desk, his photographs of Nyota, Ama and his mother Amanda, a tea set and a collection of two and three dimensional chess sets that took up the shelving behind him. Perhaps Spock should also baby-proof his office.

During his mediation that evening Spock considered his disappointment in earnest. He determined that he was feeling somewhat sentimental. Much had changed with the birth of their daughter. Spock would have not changed her arrival in their lives for anything; however, he could acknowledge that he missed the enthusiasm that Nyota had for him before they were bonded. She was still as attractive as ever, perhaps a bit more so as her body had become somewhat more curvaceous since their daughter's birth. Her skin was still smooth and dark, her thighs still strong, her waist still small but something in her eyes had changed. She did not instantly brighten when Spock walked into the room any more.

"That is a dog. Can you say dog?" Nyota said as Spock emerged from his meditation. Ama was on her lap and they had a PADD propped in front of them on the table.

"Da!" Ama said happily. She received praise and a tickle from her mother.

"Good job Ama Llama!" Nyota said with genuine enthusiasm and she kissed the little girl lightly.

"I was under the impression that you were not going to continue to refer to her as an Andean pack animal." Spock drew his eyebrows together.

Nyota rolled her eyes before returning her attention to the PADD. Again, another example of Nyota's diminishing affection for Spock.

"Do you know what that is baby?" Nyota asked.

"Sehla?" Ama ventured.

"Very good! That's a sehlat. It is something like a dog and also like a bear. Do you remember what a bear is?"

"I would prefer it if you did not offer her incorrect information Nyota." Spock put his hands behind his back.

"What? What information am I giving her that is incorrect Spock?" Nyota said, irritation clear in her voice.

"Well, since you inquired, she is not pronouncing the terms correctly. It would be preferable if you did not offer her praise unless she said the words properly. Secondly, sehlats are not similar to the sub-order caniformia as you imply by linking the animal to both dogs and bears. Bears and dogs, precisely, originated from a common ancestor amphicyonidae while the sehlat, which really is not comparable to any Terran animal groups, would be, if you _had_ to make such a comparison, more similar to to the arctoidea." Spock finished.

"Arctodidea were a member of caniformia Spock." Nyota said matter of factly before turning back to Ama and the animal pictures that were on the screen.

And this was the nature of Nyota and Spock's relationship for the last few weeks. Nyota barely hid her irritation with nearly everything that Spock did and Spock, although his criticisms seemed logical at the time that he spoke them, could not censor himself. He _knew _that telling Nyota that she was coddling the baby too much or that her uniform could look more professional if she acquired one in a larger size would not go over well, but he did not desist.

On the second week that the Enterprise was on Earth Nyota stopped coming into Spock's office to work. The first wave of shore leavers started coming back so it was probably better that she continued her work elsewhere. On Wednesday, Nyota came into Spock's office with the baby in her arms. Spock was surprised, especially when he took note of Nyota's attire. She wore a light blue sun dress and had her hair up in an elegant, yet casual bun. Spock noticed familiar stirs of desire after taking in her bare shoulders and neck. The dress was fitted at the waist and flowed easily against her hips, revealing her shapely calves and the graceful curve of her ankles in heeled sandals. Ama also had on a sun dress and a white bucket hat.

"Nyota, I do believe that you are dressed inappropriately for your next shift." Spock said flatly.

"My next shift isn't until tomorrow. Lieutenant Ramsey is taking my shift today. I'm going to spend some time with our parents. They, with the exception of Sarek, haven't seen Ama since before she could walk. Before you say anything, I'm ahead in my work and I am fairly sure that from here in the repair bay there will be no emergent situations that will require my level of communication skills."

"Nyota... this is highly irregular. Why did you not request shore leave? Why would you not inform me of your plans?" Spock was truly surprised at this turn of events.

"So you could deny me leave under the guise of 'remaining consistent" amongst the members of my department? So you could excel at not showing favoritism?" Nyota shook her head. "No thanks Spock. If you feel that Lieutenant Ramsey is an inappropriate replacement feel free to note me as AWOL for the next twenty four hours."

Nyota left abruptly and without explaining to Spock why she had not told him. He wondered if she no longer desired his company and he became perplexed, pacing the nearly empty bridge from his office door to the turbolift and back again. Had something happened that he missed? Their trip to Tricet had not turned out the way either of them anticipated but they did seem to be more relaxed upon their return. As Spock was pacing he was interrupted.

"Commander?" Kirk said as he looked around the deserted bridge. "What're you doing here? It's a gorgeous warm day in San Francisco."

"I have been working Captain." Spock looked Kirk up and down. Kirk wore a white tshirt and a pair of long plaid shorts. He had sand on his ankles and the tops of his cheeks seemed unusually red. "You were outside? On a beach?"

"Of course. How many times do we get docked in San Francisco on a glorious day like today? Listen, you need to get off this ship. Get some sun. There is nothing that can't be done when we're out in the darkness of space Commander. Go take a day off. Take your family out to the park." Kirk nodded at him as he went into his office. He returned a moment later with an object in hand. "Spock? I though I said to go. You're not doing much good here pacing."

"I believe it would be more prudent if I remained aboard the ship sir. I... have things I wish to accomplish."

"Spock? It wasn't a request. It was an order. Get out of here." Kirk said before stepping back into the turbo-lift. "I mean it."

With a sullen air about him, Spock returned to his quarters and changed into his civilian clothes. Even on Tricet he had worn his uniform. It felt unusual to pull on the black trousers and black sweater without the familiar weight of his communicator badge. He had not dressed in such a manner since before his Enterprise commission, since the time that he and Nyota walked the streets of San Francisco together for hours, commenting on everything interesting and conversing for hours into the night. Spock even recalled Nyota's subtle shifts to stand closer to him as the darkness fell and the air grew colder. Even during his paternity leave he tended toward traditional Vulcan clothing or his uniform.

Spock spotted Nyota and Ama in the most predictable place, Nyota's favorite spot in Golden Gate Park. The tea garden was in full bloom and the air was heavy with the scent of pine and cherry blossoms. The smell was indelibly associated with Nyota in his mind. He tried to recall how many times had he come here with her to talk, or to discretely hold hands in the peaceful stillness. As Spock drew closer to Nyota, her blue dress acting like a beacon, he saw that she was not peaceful as she should have been.

"Keep your kid out of _my _kid's way and there won't be a problem lady!" A man was shouting at Nyota. Spock instantly felt a shot of anger spark through him.

"Just who do you think you are? How dare you just let your child run, unsupervised through a park! She could've knocked my daughter into the water barreling through like that and grabbing at her! She could've drowned!" Nyota said through clenched teeth. Spock could see Ama clutching Nyota's calves, her eyes wet. Nyota had her dressed in a yellow sundress but she wore a thick white sweater over it and white tights below to keep her warm. As Spock approached he saw that both the sweater and the dress were soiled, a hand shaped smear of mud running across the front of his daughter. Spock took a deep breath.

"Hey, I know what my daughter was doing." The man barked at Nyota.

"You did _not._" Nyota seethed. "You didn't even come along for five minutes after everything happened. I had to stop her from tackling my daughter again. If you did you're a terrible parent." Spock could hear the rage bubbling up through Nyota's voice. He knew that if someone did not intervene, Nyota would take a swing at the man and that she would not miss.

"You stupid _alien lover._" The man looked down at Ama's ears. Spock quickened his pace, recalling that Nyota had put a hat on Ama before leaving. "You think that everyone is less enlightened than you, that you're special because you went and got knocked up by some alien. I'm here to tell you something, you don't own us. This is Earth. I don't know what planet you _think _ you're on. But this is Earth. My daughter is Human. She can do what she wants. This is _her _planet." Spock came up behind Nyota and saw Ama's tiny white hat floating in the pond amongst the rocks. How had this happened? Spock took all of his energy and focused on staying calm. Staying calm in the face of adversity was the most logical thing he could do for his family.

"You don't know anything about me you idiot." Nyota spat. She stooped to lift Ama, who was no longer crying but still agitated by the situation. "Besides, _my _alien saved this planet, or were you so busy ignoring your kid that you missed out on that too?"

Ama saw Spock before either Nyota or the strange man did. She instantly brightened, her thick curls blowing slightly in the wind. She clutched her mother with one arm but reached for Spock with the other. In that moment Spock did not care that Nyota was encouraging her by rewarding her for words that were not pronounced correctly. In that moment all that Spock saw was the relief and happiness on his daughter's face that he was there. And in that moment all Spock wanted was to see the same look on Nyota's face. He wanted to see her smile in that relaxed way that she used to before she had been under his direct command, before he had to treat her like all of the other crew despite the freedom of going home to her every night.

"Is there a problem?" Spock strode into place behind Nyota and asked the question calmly, looking down on the man who had been yelling at her. The man appeared huge next to Nyota's petite frame, however Spock easily stood several inches taller than him. The man was pale and thin and his eyes were somewhat wild. When his gaze finally shifted from Nyota to Spock he looked as though he'd been slapped.

"I..." The man stammered. He seemed less sure what to say when he was faced with more than an angry woman and her infant. Spock looked down at the man's daughter who looked to be at least three years older than Ama, if not more. She was similarly thin and had the look of someone who had not been cleaned recently. "Yeah. This lady was screaming at my kid for no reason!"

"Spock, his daughter came out of no where and shoved Ama down at the edge of the pond. If either of them had been an inch closer she would've fallen in. She might've hit her head on one to the rocks or anything could've happened. She way trying to take Ama's hat."

"It would seem that your child behaved inappropriately. I believe that the acceptable course of action would be for you apologize both to my wife and to my daughter." Spock said with a bass note of anger in his voice. He clasped his hands behind his back and straightened his spine. "It would be a good lesson for your child in taking responsibility and being socially appropriate."

The man looked somewhat panicked now that he was outnumbered but it did not seem that he wished to back down. He took a long look at Spock, straining to recognize the face. Undoubtedly he had seen Spock's face in the news after Nero's attack on Earth nearly four years earlier, especially if he lived in San Francisco. Spock wondered if Nyota's words were coming back to him at this time.

"Yeah. Well, forget it. There's nothing that me, or my daughter needs to be sorry for. You keep your kid out of my kids way. Like I said before, you do that and there won't be any problem." The man sneered before beginning to turn around.

"It appears that your child is significantly older than our child. Is it common for her to attack infants? Without discipline?" Spock raised his eyebrow nearly to his hairline. He was having difficulty controlling his emotions now and felt that his face was probably displaying his incredulity.

"You know what? I don't care what you think. Come on Rosie. We're out of here." The man said quickly. Spock was not sure what to do. The situation had quickly deescalated; however, he still felt angry. He would have very much liked to strike the man and teach him that of all of the women with children that he could have started shouting at, that his daughter could have pushed while trying to steal a sun hat, it should not have been his. Still, despite the tumult of emotions that he now experienced, he knew that striking the man would be inappropriate. Especially because he was the commander of a starship and especially because he was standing next to his daughter and wife, who both expected better of him. Spock considered that he had not been the very best husband or father recently and suddenly wished to improve. Still, despite this noble feeling, the man had something coming to him. Spock turned to block the man's egress.

"I believe that when I approached I heard that you seemed to have some problem with my species? Would you care to elaborate?" Spock said calmly. He suddenly felt Nyota trickle into his mind more insistently. He knew she wondered what he was doing.

"I, uh, well not you personally or anything." The man began.

"So it is solely my wife that offends your sensibilities?" Spock moved again, subtly, to block the man's path.

"I just don't think that all these aliens, not you or anything, but they seem to think that this is their planet. It isn't." The man muttered, his voice fading significantly from the tone that had carried all the way to the entrance of the garden moments ago.

"So this entitled your daughter to endanger my daughter, your personal feelings about the alien population on Earth?" Spock said while shifting slightly, just enough to corral the man again.

"Listen, I don't care who you are, if you're famous or whatever. I'm not and my Rosie is not apologizing. Kids play rough okay? If your kid can't play rough then she doesn't need to be out here. The world is a hard place alright?" The man was becoming more frustrated now and he was not looking at his surroundings.

"My daughter isn't even two!" Nyota said behind Spock. "Your daughter looks to be six!" Spock held up a hand and Nyota reluctantly became silent again.

"Yeah, well too bad. Life isn't fair. So your kid could've gotten wet. Big deal. Boo hoo. Grow up lady." The man said, his face returning to the red color that Spock had seen in the distance. This was sufficient. Spock was fairly sure that this man would not apologize and truly, Spock felt like his next action was the most appropriate. Spock moved once more, to allow the man to pass.

The man tripped down the shallow bank into the pond, koi fish fleeing as he landed on his face. The man sputtered, his hair soaked and his mouth full of suddenly cloudy watter. He splashed about aimlessly for a moment before he settled on his knees. Spock looked at Nyota and his eyebrow rose again as he turned watched the spectacle. Nyota moved toward him and buried her face in his shoulder, her body wracked with laughter. Ama clapped as she watched from her mother's arms, the receding picture of a wet man struggling to gain his footing on the slick stones that lined the pond. As Spock, Nyota and Ama walked across the bridge that would lead them around the back path of the park, Spock stooped to pluck Ama's hat from the water. He placed it in pocket as he took Nyota's hand in his and they walked from the park to enjoy the unseasonably warm San Francisco day.

* * *

Author's note: This wasn't originally where this chapter was going but this is where it ended up. I hope you liked it.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

* * *

Unlike the last time that they had been on Earth as a family, the time that Spock and Nyota spent in San Francisco was relaxed and pleasant. There was no frenzy to get everything in order for the return to the ship. There was no constant questioning of how things would be when Ama joined them in their quarters permanently. Spock considered his father's earlier advice and decided that they probably could have used more time away from the ship. Spock still found his work satisfying and understood that Nyota did as well; however, Spock was now certain that there were far too many things that they had needed time to adjust to before returning to full and active duty. Now, at the house of his father in law, Spock realized that he felt no need to be critical and he wondered if it was because he was able to divorce his position as Nyota's superior officer from his position as Nyota's bond mate.

Nyota and her brother Basim sat in the back garden and Ama ran freely between them and back to Spock who stood on the steps. Spock could not help but be struck by the near perfection of his daughter. She occasionally returned to her mother with a flower in her hand, a gift Spock guessed, and offered triumphantly. Nyota would, on each occasion, bend to lift her and exclaim her gratitude for the offering. Ama's smile grew and she would laugh the sun shining on her face, before she set off again in search of another prize, her tight black curls bouncing as she ran. Spock was still fascinated that Ama looked to be the perfect blend of Nyota and himself, although he was somewhat concerned as to what would happen as Ama grew. He considered that Ama would resemble him in more ways than would be best.

Spock could admit to himself that he enjoyed seeing Ama smile. It was not surprising as he enjoyed seeing her mother smile; however, he wondered what he would do when it became time to teach her about Surak. She was presently too young to understand such concepts but within the next year, it would be time to prevent her from expressing herself in this manner. Spock was unsure that he could stand to give up on the sound of his daughter's laughter. Spock and Nyota had agreed that they would allow Ama to develop in whatever manner suited her best but every day there were more signs that Ama was carrying Vulcan emotions in her tiny body and Spock knew that there was no way to preserve the expression of the favorable emotions while weeding out those that were more damaging.

Ama's temper tantrums were extreme. Spock had no idea that such an amount of violence could come from something so small. Her increased strength made things more complicated. Thankfully, for the most part, Ama was an extremely content and happy child. Ama had her first major meltdown when Nyota was late returning from a shift and was unable to complete her bed time ritual. Spock generally took care of Ama in the morning and Nyota was the person in charge of her feeding and night time bathing. When Nyota had not appeared to offer Ama her dinner, she had cried in the manner that Spock assumed a normal Human child might. He soothed her successfully and then proceeded to bathe her. Even though the bath went fairly well, he could tell from the brief contact with her fingers that something more severe was coming.

When Spock tried to put Ama to bed she fought him. In hindsight it was clear that Spock should have been prepared for this behavior, however, at the time he was not. Ama had torn several of the bars out of her crib and hurled them across the room, smashing a mirror. It had happened far faster than Spock could have anticipated. She wailed for her mother, kicking out at random and striking Spock several times before he was able to transmit calm through her temples. Ama was finally asleep when Nyota returned to Spock cleaning up shards of glass and large splinters of wood.

Despite the current state of things, his daughter happily running to him in the warm afternoon sun, he knew that this would end soon. Spock would not take the risk of what might happen should Ama have such a tantrum while surrounded by other children. He was grateful that Ama had simply reacted the way any other eighteen month old would have to the child that had pushed her. It was quite possible that Ama could have done real damage if she had opted to react more aggressively.

Spock sat on the step, pulled Ama into his arms and held her quietly for some time. He inhaled the scent of grass and sunshine that mingled with the scent of vanilla that always clung to her. He let her go when she began to struggle and wondered how his own parents had been able to do go through with it, the repression of his own emotions. Surely his mother Amanda had protested? They could not have been sure that he would have grown to display his Human and Vulcan traits in the way that he did ultimately. What had Sarek said that convinced her to let go of the possibility of ever seeing her son smile again. And what of Sarek? Had he not been similarly moved by his son's displays of affection and delight?

"Spock? What's wrong?" Nyota sat next to him on the step and took his arm in hers.

"I do not know what you mean." Spock said, trying to chase away his serious thoughts.

"Right." Nyota leaned against him. "You look so serious. More serious than usual. Are you still thinking about that guy from earlier?"

"No." Spock said quietly. Nyota had her head on his shoulder and he wondered what had changed in the last few hours that had restored the affection in their relationship. Was it the encounter in the park? Was it really just being free of the ship?

"I liked how you handled that you know." Nyota whispered into Spock's ear. "It felt like you were my bond mate again, not just my supervisor."

"If I recall I am your _alien. _That is what you indicated earlier." Spock said, somewhat relieved to understand that he was on the right track as to the difficulties between them.

"Yes." Nyota laughed. "I don't think it really matters what I call you as long as you know, as long as we both know, that you're mine."

"That is never in doubt is it ashayam?" Spock took her hand and touched her fingertips.

"Sometimes I wonder." Nyota smiled lightly. "You're thinking about your mother?" She asked after receiving Spock's light touch.

"A bit." Spock said quietly. "I do believe that she would have quite enjoyed Ama. I find again that I could use her input and advice."

Nyota suggested that they go to the park that had a erected a memorial sculpture to Lady Amanda Grayson. She thought Spock might feel better if Ama started learning about her grandmother now. The park had been one of her favorites when she lived in San Francisco and she had constantly gone, in her free time, to assist in beautification efforts. The park had been in a low income area that she had taught in and she had, apparently, found it a source of relief for her students. Through the years the area and the park had grown safer. Amanda's former students, all adults now, upon hearing of her death had contributed to a memorial at this park, a place that she seemed to love so dearly before moving to Vulcan. Spock knew the park because Amanda had brought him to it during their trips to Earth.

Spock told Nyota that he thought it would be better for him to take Ama with him alone. He could not articulate why but Nyota seemed to understand and Spock was again grateful that he had her in his life. He could not imagine trying to explain his feelings and he was glad that he did not have to. Nyota kissed Spock on the cheek and Ama on the forehead before telling him that they would be having dinner with Sarek and T'Mana before returning to the ship. Spock agreed to meet them back at Sarek's house. Spock carried Ama by bus to the park and was somewhat surprised that it looked so pristine now.

The park was lush and contained by a small grove of trees that had just been saplings the last time he had been here with his mother. Within the park there were well placed paths and stone benches. There was a small sand area for children to play and a fountain for children to wade in. Both attractions were full on such a warm day and Spock was slightly disappointed. He had hoped that he would be able to reflect upon his mother in relative privacy, an unlikely event since the park was public, but it would have been preferable. Still, Spock set off in search of the sculpture.

In the shade of several thin, yet tall, pines Spock saw the sculpture, an enormous white obelisk with an extensive inscription. Spock put Ama on the ground and she ran toward it immediately. Fortunately for Spock there were few people in this relatively remote area of the park. As Spock approached he was able to make out that the inscription was not that at all. It was the word "teacher" in a number of Terran languages. Spock was puzzled. Spock approached the spot where Ama had decided to stop. It was just in front of the memorial plaque. Spock stooped to read it aloud to Ama.

"In memory of Lady Amanda Grayson: This sculpture is in honor of Amanda Grayson, _maestra_, _uchitel_, _seonsaeng_, _guro_ and _sensei_ to many, loved by more than that and remembered always for the lessons that she taught outside of the classroom." Spock felt a large twinge of grief as he sat before the sculpture. Spock pulled Ama close to him and pointed at the various languages, far more extensive than those that were included on the plaque. To his satisfaction, Ama seemed to rapt and took in every word that Spock said.

"The people who commissioned this sculpture knew my mother. This is all about her. This was your grandmother Ama. She is who you were named for. Her name was Amanda. Are you able to say that?" Spock asked quietly as memories of his mother's face came back to him.

"Aaaamaada." Ama mimicked her father as well as he thought she could. She climbed onto Spock's lap and leaned back against his chest.

"That will do." Spock nodded.

Spock sat before the sculpture for some time. The sun had been bright and warm when he had arrived and Ama had been wide awake; however, now, he sat in shadow and Ama was asleep in his arms, her eyelashes twitching every so often. Spock did not ask his questions aloud as there were still quite a few people in the park and they were too personal; however, Nyota had been right. He did feel better. Spock closed his eyes and meditated on his memories of his mother. He recalled her exceptional patience, especially in a house full of Vulcans. He recalled her incredible calm in the face of what must have been incredibly painful for her. Spock recalled his conversation to undertake the kolinahr and wondered what it must have been like for his mother to see that he had determined to remove, what surely appeared in everyone's eyes, his humanity.

Amanda had not said much then though. She had told him that she would be proud of him no matter what he did, no matter who he became and that was the extent of it. She had not been thinking of herself at all, but only of Spock. She only wanted him to follow the course that was most suitable for his contentment in life. It occurred to Spock as he felt Ama stir against him, that it had not been a matter of whether she would be content to lose her son's ability to express emotion, it was a matter of what would be best for him. She, and it was likely that Sarek had come to the same conclusion, had probably mourned some things when Spock truly embraced logic at the time that I-Chaya died, however they had accepted it out of their own love for Spock.

"Sa-mekh?" Ama said in a soft voice.

"Yes Ama." Spock emerged fully from his meditation and looked around. It was fully dark now and the park was empty.

"Sa-mekh?" Ama said again, smiling when she saw her father's eyes were open.

"We should go Ama." Spock said as he pushed to his feet with Ama in his arms. "Your mother will be concerned if we are late."

"Mama?" Ama said, recognizing, perhaps for the first time, that her mother was not with them.

"Yes. We will see her soon." Spock paused before turning to leave. "Ama, your grandmother was an exceptional woman. We should be thankful. These students were thankful because she was a a very good teacher. I am unsure that they realize that she continues to teach, even now."

"Amanda." Ama said while looked back at the sculpture.

"Yes. Amanda." Spock looked down at her daughter's face, plump and smooth, without any worry or fear. "She would have loved you very much. If she was here, she would pluck you up and kiss your face. She would comment on the amount of fat carried on the sides of your face. I am unsure, although I suspect, that she would take them between her thumb and forefinger.

"Amanda." Ama said again as though she were tasting the word in her mouth.

Spock looked around the park once to ensure that no one was watching. Spock was many things but impulsive was not one of them, still, he felt this sudden urge and could not seem to restrain it. He set Ama down and moved toward the sculpture and, with a small utility knife that he carried most places, Spock began carving. It was slow work but he completed his task and gathered Ama into his arms again.

"It says _savensu._" Spock told Ama, slightly appalled at his act of graffiti. "And also? It says_ ko-mekh_." And suddenly, Spock felt another urge rising. Something he would have never thought to do before today. He pulled Ama close to him and pressed his lips against her cheek. "That was from your grandmother, I'm sure." Spock whispered as he walked out of the park.

* * *

Author's note: Just a note on the structure of the story. My goal is to stick with Ama from the time that she is able to walk to the time that she begins pre-school. It might seem that the scenes that each chapter discusses are randomly selected but they're not- if there is something that is not in the time line I've indicated above it will become relevant at another point in the story- and the issues that are dealt within them are ongoing issues in Spock's journey into parenthood/fatherhood.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.

* * *

"It is highly unlikely." Spock said as he put his face between Nyota's bare shoulder and neck.

"You're sure? I'm just finding this new outpouring of physical affection to be... unusual." Nyota responded with a gasp as Spock's lips brushed against a particularly sensitive spot.

"Logically, I would be most qualified to discern whether I was encountering another pon farr Nyota. Presently I find my current actions to be logical and my functioning to be wholly within normal parameters. If you desire that I cease..." Spock was interrupted.

"No! No, nothing like that." Nyota grinned. "It's just that your last pon farr came early due to environmental factors. I was thinking that maybe it might be coming naturally this time. Oh. Ooooh." Nyota lost her train of thought.

"I fail to understand why you find our activities over the past few weeks to be so incongruous." Spock slid his hands down further and made a low groan in the back of his throat. "We interacted in this manner for the vast majority of our courtship."

"It's just." Nyota sighed contentedly. "It's just that from the time of your last pon farr ending to the time we came back from San Francisco we've barely done anything like this and suddenly." Nyota stopped speaking suddenly and moved against Spock instinctively. "You don't want me to answer you at all do you?" Nyota laughed.

"I will stop, momentarily, so that you will be able to focus." Spock sat up, his chest bare in the dim light of their bedroom.

"You said you were behaving logically. What did you mean?" Nyota asked.

"I spent several weeks pondering the lack of physical affection in our relationship. I decided that it was illogical to focus upon such a deficiency when I was doing nothing about it." Spock slid down and looked Nyota in the eye. "It is far more logical to take action in attaining that which I desire than to ponder it without aim."

It wasn't just that Spock was being more physically demonstrative toward Nyota but he was also taking extra effort to consider the very best things that his mother taught him, through her actions, about displaying affection and patience. Spock had ceased talking to Nyota about her duty schedule at home and did not speak of work at all unless she brought it up. He had learned that she was now studying, in her spare moments, the development of artificial intelligence and independent rise of distinct linguistic patterns among such lifeforms. She was also studying the works of a very young scientist named Noonian Soong who had very interesting and advanced theories about positronic networks. Spock and Nyota, in one instance, had spoken about her new interest the entire night. This suited Spock quite well.

Spock was quite pleased that his efforts, minimal as they were, were yielding such dramatic results. It made most of his life much more pleasant. Spock even found that, despite not speaking to Nyota about work while at home, his work was easier. Nyota now tended to defend him against allegations that he was a 'hard-ass' as he knew the crew frequently referred to him. Further, Spock was quite satisfied to find small gifts on his desk on days that Nyota's shift did not coincide with his own. One day, when Nyota had enlisted Chekov into babysitting, he even found several squares of chocolate on his chair.

Spock certainly hoped that this pleasantness would carry over into his attempts to speak with Nyota about Ama's escalating behavior. Both Sarek and Kiano had advised them about the 'terrible twos' but Ama seemed to be reaching this developmental stage early. Perhaps because Ama found her mother to be very soothing, Nyota had yet to experience the worst of her tantrums. Spock thought that perhaps she believed that he was exaggerating Ama's destructiveness despite the fact that she had walked into the aftermath on several occasions. Spock did not wish for Ama to fly into one of her rages again; however, if she did he hoped that Nyota would be there to witness it.

Nyota and Spock had talked about whether Ama would be taught the Vulcan way of emotional repression but had not truly come to a decision. This was, of course, mostly discussed prior to her birth. Spock considered that prior to Ama's birth they were fairly sure that she would be barely recognizable as Vulcan. Things had changed when it was revealed that Nyota had her own recessive Vulcan ancestry and then Ama had been born looking nearly as fully Vulcan as Spock did. Still, they did not know if these secondary characteristics would be indicative of other Vulcan traits. They had not revisited the topic recently.

During his meditation Spock tried to recall how his parents had begun the introduction of logic and emotional control. He vividly recalled his conscious embrace of logic but he had a hard time distinguishing when he had begun controlling his emotional expression as a child. It was, apparently, later than other children on Vulcan because he also recalled people on the street being surprised at best and offended at worst by his retaining of Human emotional expression. Or perhaps other children were always able to control their emotions. Spock had heard his father lament the fact that Spock was filled with Vulcan emotions and Human control of them. Perhaps this was evident to Sarek from the very beginning.

It occurred to Spock that his older brother, who was fully Vulcan, was distinctly not in control of his emotions and he could not recall a time when he had been. Sybok was often just skirting the line between emotional expression and blankness. Spock recalled always being distinctly uncomfortable with Sybok despite the fact that he was perfectly comfortable around his mother, who always expressed emotion freely. Spock regained awareness of his surroundings and exhaled. The most logical thing would be to enlist his father's assistance and hope that he would be able answer these questions.

"Sarek is unavailable Spock." T'Mana said through the viewscreen.

"I see." Spock was about to ask that his father call him back but he had another thought. "T'Mana, do you have a moment?"

"Yes." T'Mana said blandly. T'Mana was fully Vulcan as well and Spock had never seen her express emotion, although he did notice that T'Mana was also unlike any other Vulcan that he knew. Despite her tight control over her feelings, she displayed elements of personality that were uncommon on their former planet.

"Before I ask, I would like to request that you do not repeat what I say to Nyota right away." Spock knew he was asking for too much. Nyota was T'Mana's relative and she treated her like a daughter.

"I cannot acquiesce to such a request without knowing what it is that you wish to say." T'Mana said logically. Of course.

"Has my father mentioned anything to you about T'Ura Amanda recently?" Spock asked, figuring that it would go farther for him to refer to his daughter by her Vulcan name.

"Nothing of note." T'Mana said blankly. Spock could see why Humans tended to find Vulcans frustrating. Spock hated not being able to interpret what T'Mana was thinking. "Perhaps stating your question directly would be most efficient Spock." T'Mana said, her eyes glancing at her timepiece.

"I believe that our daughter will need to be introduced to the doctrines espoused by Surak sooner than later; however, I am unsure of a manner in which to do so. She is very young and I am unsure as to a method that would allow her to understand what is being asked of her."

"I understand why you would wish to ask me or your father. We both have much experience in such matters, myself, obviously, more so than Sarek; however, I fail to understand why you would wish to keep this from Nyota. She will have to work with you in teaching your daughter these concepts."

"I..." Spock needed to consider his words carefully. Casually informing T'Mana that Nyota had yet to see the obvious need for Ama to learn to control her emotions would cause far more problems than it would solve. Spock was not yet ready to relinquish this smooth period of his relationship with her. "I do not believe that Nyota has come to the full understanding that this is what will be necessary."

T'Mana's eyes widened incrementally at Spock's statement. He supposed that was as much as he would see in terms of expressing shock. T'Mana did not promise not to say anything to Nyota but she did inform Spock of the way that she had begun teaching her children the value of restraint, especially when it came to emotion. She told him patience was necessary as was praise. She told Spock that the average age was three point four years old; however, considering the vast number of children that T'Mana had raised, that number could easily encompass Ama's age of twenty months old. T'Mana finished with several resources that Spock could look into and an invitation to consult her at any time. Finally, just before disconnecting she informed Spock that convincing Nyota of this need would be paramount and that delaying was highly illogical.

Spock waited until there was quiet moment to bring it up. Ama had gone to bed easily and Nyota sat drinking tea in her arm chair, reading a PADD about cyberorganic lifeforms that had been encountered in other regions of the universe. She seemed quite content in her civilian clothes and unlikely to argue. Spock sat across from her on the sofa.

"Nyota. Do you have a moment?" Spock said quietly. "There is something that I wish to discuss."

"Okay?" Nyota smiled pleasantly, putting the PADD down.

"I spoke with T'Mana for some time earlier this week. Did she mention it to you?" Spock looked up.

"Really? I just spoke with her this afternoon. She didn't say anything. What did you two talk about?" Nyota asked.

"I asked her for advice." Spock took a deep breath. He had no idea how Nyota would react. Through their bond he simply felt curiosity mingled with mild confusion. At best, Nyota would accept this, at worse she would refuse it vehemently. It was illogical to put it off. He would have to deal with it no matter what her answer was. "I believe that it is time to consider that Ama begin learning about the control of her emotions."

"What? Oh Spock, I think she's too young for that. Besides, she's just a baby. Maybe when she's older." Nyota shrugged the suggestion off.

"At what age do you think it would be appropriate Nyota?" Spock said calmly.

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't we wait and see? Maybe she'll be fine without it. You never know. Maybe when she's nine or ten she'll choose it for herself."

Spock had been afraid that Nyota might not take the topic seriously. Spock knew too well the incentive for not teaching their daughter to repress her emotional expression. Spock too would miss being greeted by a broad smile and open arms. Spock's favorite moment of the day was when he went to greet his daughter in the morning and saw her bouncing in her crib, exuberant at the start of her day and her father's presence. Still, Spock had to press the subject.

Spock's arguments did not go over well. Nyota's casual dismissal morphed into accusations of him of pushing Ama too hard and expecting impractical things from her. Nyota made it more clear that she believed that Spock's reports of Ama's destructive tantrums were exaggerated and that Ama was no more a danger to herself or others than any other toddler might be. Spock knew that the calm period of their relationship was over when Nyota told Spock that he was trying to make Ama more Vulcan than she was.

Spock had hoped that Nyota talking to her family might assist him, but it did not. When T'Mana reminded Nyota that Vulcans did not exaggerate, Nyota ignored her. Kiano, Nyota's father, had tried to reason with Nyota. He posited that if it turned out that Ama's emotions were more human later, then they could encourage her to find a balance between logic and expression but Nyota did not agree. She believed, perhaps rightfully so, that once someone adopted the teachings of Surak, they tended to stick with them for life. Even Nyota's brother Basim agreed with Spock but Nyota refused to consider anything he said. Spock was at a loss. He could not account for Nyota's unreasonableness and he could not begin the process without Nyota's assistance. Spock had never thought that he would wish for his mother's presence this much.

"Hello Father." Spock said when the call came into his office. Sarek had been on a diplomatic mission these last weeks and had missed out on the situation with Nyota around Ama.

"I understand that you are having difficulty convincing your bond mate of the appropriate action to take with your daughter." Sarek said calmly.

"Yes. I take it that T'Mana has apprised you of the situation." Spock responded wearily. Things had flipped from affectionate and calm to tense very quickly.

"To some extent." Sarek said. "I can guess at the rest of it. I had a difficult time convincing your mother that it was the appropriate thing also. Especially after being somewhat lax with Sybok."

Spock sat forward with interest. He had only briefly considered his father and mother's own difficulties and had assumed that his mother, being the woman that she was, had ultimately come to the best conclusion on her own. This had not turned out to be true according to his father.

Sarek told Spock that Amanda was adamant that he would grow more human as he aged, despite the obvious signs that he would behave as most Vulcan children did. Sarek, for some time, had simply informed Amanda that he knew more of what a normal Vulcan child should and should not act like and that he was aware of what dangers could lie in the future should they not receive the proper emotional education. Amanda asserted her knowledge of child development in her belief that she was correct.

"Truly, it was not until your mother understood that you would be at a disadvantage, that she would be hurting you by denying you the ability to control your emotions that she agreed to begin your education in the ways of logic." Sarek finished.

Spock was somewhat irritated with himself for not simply asking his father before. Sarek certainly knew all about interacting with Human bond mates. What Sarek had not informed him, however, was what had changed his mother's mind. What had convinced her that she would be hurting Spock instead of helping him? Spock had asked but Sarek had no answer.

Several weeks passed before the topic came up again. Spock was trying to keep their relationship as normal as possible while the underlying issue of Ama's emotional development went unaddressed. He continued to keep all work related matters at work for the most part and in response he continued to be rewarded with a more peaceful home. Everything was calm, at least, even if Spock would not characterize it as going well. The delicate balance that they had reached suddenly shattered while Nyota and Spock were on the bridge at same time.

"Commander? This is Yeoman Harper in the nursery." Spock heard the communication on the bridge. He was sitting in the captain's chair and both he and Nyota shot to their feet. Spock was walking toward the turbo-lift before even hearing the reason for the communication. When Spock looked over his shoulder he saw that Nyota was less than a step behind him.

"Yeoman. I am on my way. What is the situation?" Spock spoke aloud as the lift carried them to deck ten. Asking was useless though, Spock was already fairly sure he knew what had happened.

"It's your daughter sir. Is Lieutenant Commander Uhura with you?" Harper's voice filtered into the air around them.

"Yes." Nyota responded. "I'm here. What's wrong. Is Ama hurt?" Nyota's voice was filled with panic. Spock could feel the anxiety flooding into his mind.

"No. I don't think so but we've called sick-bay just to be sure." Harper said.

Nyota looked at Spock with uncertainty in her eyes. It could have been anything but Spock was fairly sure that Nyota suspected what he did. That Ama had lost control of herself and, with no one available to calm her through touch, something had gone very wrong.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm not sure how old Noonian Soong was when Lore killed him but he looked pretty ancient and I figure that it wouldn't be uncommon for someone to live well over a century in the future.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, any of its characters or associated content.

* * *

Spock sat next to Nyota with her hand in his. He stroked her palm with his thumb because he knew that it calmed her. They had been sitting in silence for the last four point six hours. He knew that it was well past the time that Nyota usually went to bed but he could feel through their link that she would not have been able to sleep even if she were laying down. Still, despite this insight into her mind, he had no idea what to say.

"She's really Vulcan." Nyota said at last in the dim light of their living room.

Spock and Nyota had responded to the ship's nursery to find Ama restrained by two adult women. One of the women had a large gash on her forehead and the other had a bite mark that was quickly turning an unusual color of purple. The other children, all preschool age, had been gathered into another section of the nursery and another care worker seemed to be shielding them with his body while staring in Ama's direction with a look of fear.

"We are aware of the percentage of Vulcan blood that she has Nyota." Spock said quietly. "The intricacies in inter-species genetics are not exact. A gamble if you prefer." Indeed, Nyota bore almost no signs of her own Vulcan heritage. With the exception of certain mental capacities, no one would know Nyota, with her red blood and round ears, had any Vulcan heritage.

"I know Spock. It's just that..." Nyota drifted off. "I was so sure she would be more Human than Vulcan."

"Genetically she is more Human than Vulcan ashayam." Spock wanted to comfort his bondmate. He had foreseen these things but it occurred to him that Nyota had never considered the fact that Ama's Vulcan genetics might present themselves in such a manner. Actually, Spock considered, he had not truly been prepared for Ama's Vulcan presentation. He had been prepared for point of her ears and the tilt of her eyebrows but he assumed that her memory, emotional expression, physical makeup and strength would have been closer to Human.

The incident in the nursery was proof that he too had been incorrect. Spock was fairly sure that Ama was not strong as a full blooded Vulcan child of her age and when he asked his father, he was informed that she was probably not as strong as Spock had been as toddler; however, she was certainly much stronger than the people in the nursery had been equipped to handle. It was truly a boon that something of this sort had not happened earlier and that more damage had not been done. As Spock had assumed, Ama had thrown a tantrum. It was mild in comparison to what Spock had seen but it had happened in the company of small children this time. Spock had not been able to get a clear answer as to what had caused the tantrum but it did not matter. What mattered was that several people had been hurt and that many children had been at risk.

"She's so sweet Spock. I don't want to lose that." Nyota whispered.

Spock turned the question over in his mind. He had considered the same things but there was something else. "Are you afraid of something in particular?" Spock sought to respond to something concrete. The diffuse emotion that Nyota often felt made him uncomfortable.

"Aren't you afraid of never hearing her laugh again? Of who she might become if she changes into... I don't know. If she changes into someone else?"

Spock repressed the urge to turn the corners of his mouth down. Spock did not appreciate the implication within the question. Who did Nyota think their daughter would become when she was able to control her emotions? And was that person not someone she wished to know? Nyota squirmed next to him, feeling the echoes of his thoughts in her mind. Spock quickly clamped down on their link.

"She will be like me Nyota." Spock said slowly. "Is that a problem?" Nyota's mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. Spock continued. "I too have a certain amount of regret that the emotions that she displays presently will no longer manifest; however, I know who she would become if she does not learn to restrain herself. There is a high probability that she will be troubled and unable to function. There is a reason that Vulcans who could not restrain themselves were institutionalized and those who chose not to control themselves were banished."

"Spock, I didn't mean it like that. But to me there has only been one you. I never had your emotional expressions to miss. I know what Ama looks like when she's happy. I know what she looks like when she's filled with joy or excitement. I'm having a hard time imagining her face blank for the rest of her life. I don't know if I'd ever really _know _her."

"It is selfish." Spock knew he could have phrased the sentiment more gently; however, Spock thought of his own mother and decided that being blunt was the best way to get through to Nyota. Obviously Ama's rampage in the nursery was not sufficient to demonstrate the danger of allowing her to continue on an unrestrained path. "And it is illogical to put your preferences regarding her expression above her well being. Nyota, perhaps it would be prudent to review the earliest portions of Vulcan history. The mortality rate was incredibly high. Many Vulcans did not live past two decades because of the violence that surrounded them all the time. There was no peace. This is what you would be condemning our daughter to if you persist in your wish to observe her express emotions. All emotions are not pleasant."

Nyota took her hand away from Spock suddenly, as though she were recoiling from his touch. Spock watched her as she stood and walked quickly out of the room. Spock considered what his mother would have suggested. He thought she would have told Spock to give his bondmate some time to process the information, so that is what Spock determined to do. Still, something about Nyota's reaction to Ama's incident was not sitting well with him. He turned his partner's mental impressions over in his head to ascertain what it was that was bothering him but he could not get to the root of the problem.

In the next days things were strained. This did not come as a surprise. Ama was no longer welcome in the nursery because of concerns about safety which meant that Spock would be scheduling his and Nyota's shifts to accommodate her care. Spock and Nyota only saw each other in passing and when they did both were reticent. Each of them could tell that there was something to be said, but beyond matters related directly to work, neither could think of a way to say it.

"Hi there Ama." McCoy peered into the face of the little girl as he scanned her with a tricorder. He looked up at Spock a moment later. "She seems fine Spock. The readings don't indicate anything unusual neurologically and I can't think of a reason that restraining her emotions would impact her physical well being, even if she were entirely human. Some human families are simply not emotive for cultural, religious or personal reasons. It's a natural manifestation of human emotion. I wouldn't be too concerned." McCoy stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"It is as I expected. Thank you doctor." Spock had come in after the first two weeks of Ama's lessons in emotional control to ensure that it was not damaging to her in some unanticipated way. She had taken to his instruction incredibly well. When Spock sensed that she was going to have a highly visible emotional reaction, he took her small hand in his own and radiated calm to her before gently explaining another method to express herself.

Spock recalled his own father instructing him in this manner before leading him into meditation. Initially Spock had been given a calligraphy brush when he was angry or frustrated and asked to use it to express the emotion. Gradually, he was given options that were less demonstrative until he had learned to turn inward and meditate upon the feeling, explore its origins and determine whether it was logically prudent. Spock recalled that this took at least a year but wondered, when Ama learned so quickly, if his recollection truly was reliable. It was entirely possible, however, that Ama was simply more adept than he had been.

Ama seemed to be very fond of the tiny paintbrush that Spock offered her when Nyota was working. It was not a traditional Vulcan calligraphy brush but it fit her hand and when she was angry she intently made markings on the heavy gray paper with red paint. When she was happy, she tended to choose green or yellow paint. Within a week Ama had significantly fewer emotional outbursts in her father's presence and on the occasions that Spock sensed them in advance, he found that he did not need to direct her toward her art supplies. Ama found them on her own and acted appropriately.

"So how is it going?" McCoy asked as Spock began lifting Ama off the examination table. "The emotional training, I mean." He quickly added. Spock raised an eyebrow, suspicious that Nyota had, again, been sharing too many details of their life with her friend.

"It has progressed well. Ama is a remarkably quick study. I believe that she will learn to control her emotions more quickly than I did." Spock, out of habit, hoisted Ama into his arms and pressed his nose into her head of springy, spongy curls. Until recently, Ama would have rested her head in the crook of her father's neck, an action that Spock found to be quite satisfactory. This time, Ama simply looked forward, her attention on a shiny piece of medical equipment on the far side of the room.

The doctor seemed to take notice. Spock was unsure whether it was the slightly awkward movement that he had made in anticipation of Ama's usual reaction or whether it was the intensity of Ama's expression but McCoy was moved to comment.

"You know, my father said that kids never meet their parents expectations. They either exceed them or go off on their own path completely. I always thought it was a little odd to have expectations for them myself. They're little people with their own minds, thoughts and desires." He paused a moment. "You wouldn't have expectations, beyond basic respect, for a stranger. I don't know though. Maybe it's all ego."

Spock could tell by McCoy's thoughtful tone of voice that he was trying to impart some lesson to Spock that he believed was necessary. Spock fought not to roll his eyes and nearly lost the battle. Spock wondered what Nyota had been telling him.

"Doctor?" Spock said abruptly. "Is there something that concerns you about the expectations that either I or Lieutenant Commander Uhura have for our daughter?"

"Oh, nothing." McCoy's eyes gleamed and even Spock could tell that the older man was happy that he'd had inquired instead of letting it go. "Well, actually Spock, you know each culture instills a pictured ideal relationship between parents and children. It varies from culture to culture and certainly from species to species. I just think that such an ideal does more harm than good. Especially with Nyota's history." McCoy's eyebrows came together slightly and he met Spock's eyes for some time. "Again, what do I know?" McCoy shrugged at last and pinched Ama's cheek before departing.

Despite his general annoyance at McCoy's meddling, Spock was grateful for the insight that the doctor had offered. It was logical that Nyota, who's own mother found her to be alien and unlovable, was having significant difficulty in accepting that her own child truly _was _alien. Spock pondered whether Nyota feared that she would replicate her mother's actions with their daughter. It was likely that Nyota had found bonding with Ama to be a easy task despite the fact that the little girl resembled Spock so strongly because Ama acted much like a Human. Spock suddenly understood the possibility that Nyota was afraid that if Ama became _more_ like him that she might feel wholly unconnected to the child and expose her to the sort of indifference and antipathy that she had received as a child.

Spock watched as Ama carried piles of brightly colored building blocks from one spot to another. Spock saw nothing unusual about Ama or her behavior; however, he had grown up on Vulcan and knew what Vulcan children acted like. It was likely that Nyota was unfamiliar with such behavior on a personal level. Spock wondered if Nyota worried that she would, ultimately, stop loving her. Spock pondered the question for the next few weeks and carefully considered how to address his concerns.

"Nyota?" Spock looked up from his PADD when Nyota walked through the door. She nodded at him but appeared prepared to walk past him. "I know that it is your routine to shower and sleep after you have exercised; however, I would appreciate it greatly if you and I could take a moment for conversation."

"Uhm." Nyota looked at him for a while before answering. They had not had a conversation that did not consist of small talk for nearly six weeks, since the day of Ama's incident. "Sure Spock. I'd like to shower and look in on Ama first though. Can it wait?"

"Of course." He nodded once.

Nyota sat before him in her sleeping clothes, a black shorts and a white tank top. Her eyes already looked heavy as she faced him on the far end of the sofa. Spock knew that she had been spending the time after her shift in the gymnasium. He looked over her thighs and calves, both more muscular than they had been recently. Spock had suspected that Nyota was avoiding him but the level of fitness that she displayed told him that it was likely that she was working through an emotional issue as well.

"So, what do you want to talk about Spock?" Nyota said as she drew her knees to her chest.

"It concerns Ama." Spock said slowly. He was unsure how to broach this topic. Their last conversation about their daughter had not ended well and there had been nothing since. He was sure that Nyota noticed Ama's change in behavior over the past weeks. She did not cry as often and was generally calmer about all situations, good or bad.

"Yeah." Nyota nodded. "I've noticed the work you've been doing with her. I guess we should talk about how I can help on my end. I don't have telepathy though, so I'm not exactly sure what I can do." She rested her chin on her knee.

"She is taking to controlling her emotional responses very well; however, that is not what I intended to speak with you about." Spock took a deep breath. "You are not Naima."

"What?" Nyota's eyes widened suddenly and her posture shifted.

"I wish to remind you that you are not your mother Nyota. I believe that you will be able to care for, nurture and love our daughter despite the fact that she does not display your own emotional or physical characteristics. I do not believe that you will reject her because she differs from you, insist on her conformity to your desires or punish her when she expresses difference. You are a wholly different person from Naima Hassan. She did those things but you will not."

"I..." Nyota bit her lip and stared at Spock. "I'm always surprised by you Spock." She exhaled loudly. "I don't have any problem with you being Vulcan. I love T'Mana as though she were my real mother. Tyvoc, Sarek, my father, my brother it never occurred to me to question who they were, they're all just fine as they are. They're all just who they are. But Ama, when I found out I was pregnant, I could not help think of all the ways I'd be a different mother than mine was. I pictured that my child would be able to do what she wanted without fear of revenge or reprisal. I thought about how I would encourage her to do her best at what she loved. I imagined that she would be happy Spock. We never smiled in my mother's house. It made my mother suspicious that we were doing something she wouldn't approve of." Nyota looked down.

"And you believe that Ama's learning emotional control would be similar to the restraint that you had to show while you were with your mother? The control that you had to show to be safe from her anger?" Spock gently probed their link.

"No. No, I don't think so. It's just," she sighed. "I'm afraid that I won't know if I'm being a good mother Spock. What if I start being like my mom? I won't have any way to gauge that. She certainly didn't think anything was wrong with the way she treated us. I was too scared to say anything about it to anyone in case she found out while my father was away. Instead of that Spock, Ama just won't say anything. I won't be able to tell if she's miserable or if I'm pushing too hard."

Acutely, Spock wished his mother were here. He probed the thought and determined it was a logical one. He was sure that Amanda would have said something comforting to Nyota about how she would be an exceptional mother and that she would never have to worry about repeating her own childhood with her daughter. Spock simply could not find the words that he wanted to use to comfort Nyota. He thought of the disconnect that his mother had often felt being in a house full of Vulcans and how he had seen it, but been unable to bridge the gap then too. Spock reached out to Nyota.

Even if he had been unable to express his innermost thoughts to his mother in a way she would have found comforting, he was a grown man now and could do so with Nyota. Spock pulled her into his arms, her back facing his chest and held her tightly. He rested his right temple against her left and considered how much faith he had in her. He thought of all of the things that would make her an excellent mother, from her desire to protect their daughter to the very fact that she worried about not loving her enough. He held her tighter and, after holding her for some time, he felt her exhale as cool drops of water fell onto his arm.

* * *

Author's Note:

I'm SO sorry to have fallen off the face of the Earth. Thank you to everyone who emailed me. I will be trying to respond to everyone individually. My life, in general, is just barely controlled chaos and, for a while, it was just chaos and I was barely able to be near a computer much less write or respond to emails. Thanks to ayachan1412 for being back as my most super awesome beta reader too! Yay! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places associated with Star Trek.

During Ama's third year, Kirk gave Spock and Nyota an order. They had been on separate shifts for more than a year, since Ama's episode in the nursery. The wear on their relationship and work was evident to everybody on the bridge, except for them. They had not fought publicly but Nyota, who was usually patient and personable had become irritable. Spock, on the other hand, who was usually aloof, had become overly invested in the lives and work of the crew members he supervised. Kirk guessed that he was craving the Human contact that he was no longer able to get due to their opposing schedules.

"You're both taking mandatory leave." Kirk said before looking back down at the PADD on his desk. "We'll be returning to Earth for repairs in two weeks and then we'll be taking a short run to the neutral zone and back. When we return, you'll both be able to reboard and re-assume your positions."

Spock stood, his back ramrod straight while Nyota slouched slightly having been awakened for this announcement. Ama stood between them quietly, the child sized PADD in her hands rapidly displaying Fibonacci sequences. Kirk looked at them briefly.

"You're dismissed." He said before Spock could open his mouth.

"Captain, you have not advised us as to why we are being put on mandatory leave. Star Fleet Command Administrative Rule twenty four, on Leave, subsection seven, paragraph three requires that mandatory leave be explain..."

"Spock? Can't you just take the leave and enjoy it? I'd love to have a four week vacation." Kirk sighed. Spock tilted his head but said nothing. "I believe that the fact that neither of you have taken leave together since before Ama was born, that the only time you've had off was when we docked at Star Fleet HQ, is impacting your work." Kirk saw Spock's eyebrows come together very slightly and he recognized that Spock was taking a deep breath to protest. "No. Spock, you've been acting like a Vulcan version of a town gossip and Uhura? You've been so touchy that no one wants to work with either of you right now. I've had a number of complaints coming to me directly and I've thought about what to do for some time."

"Complaints?" Nyota muttered.

"Complaints. As in plural." Kirk felt it all tumbling out. "Since you pulled Ama out of the nursery, you've been short to your subordinates. You'd been fine to most of the bridge crew but now, I've been told that you're bordering on hostile at times. You're supposed to be the person who is in charge of us being diplomatic. If this break doesn't work, you'll have to report for a training course in interstellar communications and relations." Kirk knew the eye roll was coming. Nyota had helped teach a course by the same name while at the Academy. "If that doesn't work, you'll have to report for mandatory counseling Uhura." He whispered the last. Kirk had his personal feelings about the need for Uhura to get counseling, but he had never voiced his opinion because it had not interfered with her work until now. Forcing her into counseling was the last resort, although he hoped that she might go on her own. Kirk thought that if he hadn't let things slide for so long, because of his relationship with both of his officers, that it would not have even come to this; however, he had not been able to think of a way to handle the situation effectively. He usually relied on Spock to handle such matters.

"And the nature of these complaints were what exactly?" Spock queried.

"They indicated that you were overly interested in the personal lives of your subordinates Commander. That you were... questioning them inappropriately on their comings and goings, their reasons for leave, their work status." Kirk wanted to keep it as general as possible because Spock would certainly find a way to discern who had made the complaints.

"The nature of my position as the ship's executive officer is to make such inquiries." Spock stared at Kirk.

"You're not meant to interrogate them Spock. I even asked McCoy to advise me of your medical evaluations to see if there was _something _that would explain your intrusive behavior." Kirk looked down. He knew that Spock would pick up that he was looking for evidence of his pon farr as an explanation. Spock, of course, would not think it was that bad; however, two ensigns requested leave to get married on Suprisa Prime and Spock had asked them a host of questions, including how often they thought that marital intimacy should occur. That had not been the only case.

Spock made attempts to protest further but Kirk stood firm. Nyota eventually carried Ama back to their quarters, leaving Spock to wonder how he could have missed behavior that was sufficiently inappropriate to warrant complaint. He thought that he was simply exploring his human side. That he had missed Nyota's behavior was somewhat unsurprising. He had rarely seen her either in her work environment or at home.

Usually, when he returned from his shift they had few moments together while Nyota prepared to board the bridge and before Ama woke up. Nyota worked beta shift and then took the few hours that remained between the end of her shift and the beginning of Spock's to exercise and catch up on her independent research. Spock had split their shifts so that they would both have equal amounts of time with Ama while she was awake, but it also meant that they both ended up missing each other. Spock used his time between shifts similarly. When he was not caring for Ama, he continued his research projects and tried, often unsuccessfully, to meditate.

The feelings of inadequacy about his work began to fade as the ship began its course toward Earth. Nyota was suddenly in their quarters at the end of his shift and talking to him about the plans that they should make for their time off. Perhaps a period away from the ship would be reasonable after all. Spock could not deny that her increased presence caused him contentment that he had not felt for some time.

"What do you think about Africa?" Nyota said as she rocked Ama to sleep in her arms before her shift. This affectionate display was also practical in offering their daughter comfort and ensuring a restful sleep, so Spock encouraged it.

"Am I to respond with general thoughts on its geographic features or do you wish to elicit my opinion on the continent as a whole?" He cocked an eyebrow at her from across the room. Nyota laughed.

"I was thinking of going to Nairobi to show Ama where I grew up. I think she's old enough to appreciate it. She's almost four." She whispered. Ama, almost as if responding to her name, curled against her mother and snuggled closer. Nyota carried her to her bed, then she came and sat across from Spock at their small table. "It's warm there." She went on. "And unlike San Francisco, I doubt that you'll be tempted to try to do research." She smiled at him brightly which stirred a sudden wave of heat from within him.

"Are you sure that you wish to undertake such a trip, considering the emotional ties you have to the area?" Spock recalled when Nyota finally revealed the truth about her last days in Nairobi. He knew she had not been back since then. Considering Nyota's recent emotional reactions to parenting Ama and how closely those old emotional ties were related, he was unsure that it was a prudent course of action.

"I'll be fine Spock." Nyota shrugged non-chalantly; however, her link to him closed slightly. It was telling. "Besides, it isn't like _she _will be there." Nyota's smile faltered for a nanosecond before she continued. "I'd love to see some of the people I went to classes with at university and I think Ama would love to go to the Blixen Museum and to tour some of the wildlife preserves. I think it'll be great for her to get some sun and see where her mama grew up."

Spock nodded. He too worried that Ama suffered ill effect from being aboard the ship constantly. He had read years ago that Vulcans needed a certain amount of electromagnetic radiation for optimal health. Spock also considered that the house that Nyota grew up in, the place where her relationship with her mother had finally deteriorated to the point of being unsalvagable had been sold to someone else. They would be unlikely to go there and even if they did, it was improbable that Naima would be there to greet them. Further, Spock was curious about the man known as Tyvoc and the household he maintained in the area. Spock had, at times past, encountered "Uncle Tyvoc" but had been curious about a Vulcan living on Earth for so long without interference from the high council. He had never been able to ask Tyvoc about it directly.

"We could also go to Mombasa and spend a little time on the beach." Nyota reached out and stroked Spock's hand gently, allowing her fingertips to linger over his. "We have enough to rent a little bungalow you know. We could put Ama to bed and watch the ocean from a hammock. Just the two of us in a hammock would be..." She trailed off. Her eyes had a glint to them that Spock had nearly forgotten.

"Very well." Spock said, his voice somewhat shaky after Nyota's implication. "We will spend part of our time in Kenya.

The first week of their leave found Spock and Nyota visiting the majority of their family in San Francisco. Spock felt empathy for Ama, who was always bundled tightly in a woolen jumper, hat and wrapped several times over with a chunky muffler that drug the ground behind her like a train. The chilly spring weather was affecting him too and he found that he was eating large quantities simply to regulate his body temperature. He thought that he should have to found out whether Ama was capable of such internal regulation prior to visiting his father. Fortunately Sarek did not comment upon Ama's inability to stay warm on her own.

"Sa'mehk'al." Ama spoke through the thick layers that that covered her face.

"_Greetings grandchild." _Sarek, despite his emotional control, was obviously glad to see his granddaughter in person. He spoke to her in Vulcan, as he had been through the video console since Spock had begun training her in emotional restraint. "_Are you well?" _

_ "I do not find that the temperature of this place suits me; however, my mother has seen to outfit me in a manner that will allow me to take the most comfort here. I am pleased to see you, however." _

"Already complaining about the weather? She's very obviously her father's child." Nyota's smirk became a laugh and she was joined by her brother and father while the Vulcans in the room, T'Mana, Spock, Sarek and Ama stared at them blankly.

The group spent the next seven days together. Ama demonstrating her ability to recite pi to its 90th decimal place when she was comfortably ensconced in the sweltering heat of her grandfather's house. When she was with her maternal grandfather she learned to play chess by watching games between Kiano and her father, from one of their laps. The entire group visited the restored historical landmark the Exploratorium and Ama was free to run to and fro with the other children because of the scientific nature of the play. Spock was able to keep an eye on her because the blue scarf that she wore around the lower part of her face was like beacon amongst the other children her age.

"It is because I find that the temperature here is too cold for my unique physiology." Ama responded, her voice high pitched and small through the layers of fabric around her mouth with her eyes nearly hidden beneath the over-sized hat that covered her ears and soft springy curls, when a boy asked her why she was wearing so much clothing indoors.

Despite Ama constantly explaining, to parents and children alike, why she was dressed for the depths of winter, she seemed to enjoy her time immensely. Spock also began to feel that he was functioning optimally after a long time of being below standard. He would have to quietly thank Kirk for pushing this time away. It was clear that their little family needed it, even though Spock had missed it.

"I feel like a burden has been lifted that I didn't even know was there." Nyota approached Spock and took his arm. She beamed up at him.

"I understand." Spock nodded.

"I bet you're ready to get out of the bay area aren't you?" She stroked the heavy fabric of his winter coat lightly. Spock's apparel was slightly less noticeable than Ama's but only slightly. He was wearing a pea coat that had been a gift from his mother and a thermal fiber poloneck sweater beneath it. He was still chilly and was considering getting a hat like Ama's to keep warm.

"I will be more comfortable in a warmer climate, yes." Spock said, internally acknowledging that he quite enjoyed seeing Ama interact with her grandparents and that he was loathe to take her away from them so soon. He also noted that Nyota, who had been somewhat standoffish with her father since the revelations that surrounded Ama's birth, was starting to warm to him again.

"I bet you will be! Where are you going? South America? Polynesia?" Kiano asked.

"We are going to Nairobi." Spock said while keeping an eye on Ama as she explored a velocity machine. "Nyota suggested that she would like Ama to see the place she grew up." He was not paying attention to Kiano's expression but Nyota suddenly shifted uncomfortably. When Spock looked up he saw that Kiano, as far as it was possible, had drained of color. He looked suddenly ashen.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Kiano said, his voice full of concern.

* * *

Author's Apologies: So sorry for dragging this story out. Between Ramadan, my car falling onto a beloved friend (it looked very Wizard of Oz), having visitors in town and my monitor dying, I haven't been able to update in the way I'd hoped to. If you're still reading, thank you.

The good news: I finished this story a short time after Eid. It addresses lots of things people have asked me about (Ama's personality and what became of Naima Hassan, Nyota's mother).

The bad news: I'm not really fond of how the last two chapters went. I'm still re-reading them, however, and hope to come up with an acceptable solution to end this in a way that I (and you!) like.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters, places or facilities.

* * *

"Perhaps your father is correct." Spock sat next to Nyota as they watched Kiano push Ama in a swing. Kiano told them that Tyvoc had seen Naima in the area. Kiano had thought little of it, after all, Naima had lived in and around Nairobi for decades herself. Kiano explained that he had no contact with Naima and that he was fine with it; however, Basim, Nyota's brother, had received several messages from her in recent weeks.

"She's not the boogey man Spock." Nyota inhaled deeply. "And I refuse to rearrange my life to avoid her. Besides, you looked it up last night. She's still a lecturer in Scotland. If she's back in Kenya, I'm sure it's just temporary."

Spock looked down at Nyota. Part of his concern was about Nyota, that much was true. She obviously had unresolved issues related to her relationship with her mother; however, she seemed to function well enough with his support. On the last day that they had seen Naima, Nyota had been calm and reasonable in stark contrast to Dr. Hassan, which gave Spock confidence that Nyota would be fine whether they encountered her or not. Spock was less concerned about Nyota's reaction to a chance encounter with her mother than what effect such an encounter would have on Nyota's and Ama's relationship. Spock could not help but speculate that, upon learning of her daughter's marriage and family with a half-Vulcan male, Dr. Hassan would act in a way that could cause harm to his daughter.

Naima Hassan, Nyota's mother, was dangerously xenophobic. This fact had surprised Spock because she was a well respected scientist in her own right and her ideas about aliens had been disproved repeatedly. Of course, there had been plenty of Vulcans who looked down on Humans despite their proven abilities. Dr. Hassan was incredibly rigid and had required her children to share her perspective on non-Terran life and most other matters. When their opinions diverged from hers, they were punished outright or subjected to covertly punitive behavior. Naima had forbidden Nyota from applying to Star Fleet Academy for fear that she might do exactly what she had done; form relationships with aliens. Nyota had never written to her mother when she left the family home that night many years ago and her mother had not even known that her best friend was an Orion. She had not reacted well when she found out that Nyota was involved with Spock.

"She really doesn't have room to talk you know." Nyota murmured as Spock's train of thought washed over her. She was referring to the revelation that her mother had too married a half-Vulcan man. "I think that is why my father doesn't want us to go. My mother knows well enough that our daughter shouldn't be displaying Vulcan anatomical and secondary characteristics if she's three quarters human. I think my dad is afraid of having to explain himself to her. He waited until Ama was born to tell _me_. I doubt he'd have said anything if I hadn't asked Basim to go digging and Ama hadn't come out looking the way she does."

"You are still angry with your father." Spock made it a statement.

"No." Nyota pondered for a moment. "I'm not, really. He made a mistake, he apologized and he's trying to move on. I knew, based on how long he kept pretending that our family was healthy and normal that he did not face reality very well, at least not in his personal life. That he didn't say who he was earlier confirms that." She sighed. "But he's still running from things. And right now I think he's running from the years and years of omissions that he made to his wife."

"Do you believe that, if we should encounter her, that Ama would be safe?" Spock articulated his main concern.

"Honestly? I think she'd walk away and pretend to not know me if she saw me with you and Ama. She made her choice Spock, you were there when we asked her to get help and return to our family. She always held out more hope for Basim than she did for me. I doubt that has changed." She shrugged against him. "Besides the probability of her being there is low. Less than point three percent I'd say."

"With the lecture schedule that she has listed on the university's website I calculate that the probability of her being in Nairobi presently is at point two seven six three five." Spock looked forward as Ama held onto the swing and went flying further and further upward.

OOO

When Spock, Nyota and Ama arrived in Nairobi, Spock was welcomed by an eighty degree temperature. He felt almost good enough to take his light jacket off, but left it on until he warmed up sufficiently to be out in just a sweater. Nyota was staring at him intently as he took a lungful of the warm air.

"Are you alright?" Nyota asked as she helped Ama out of her hat and muffler.

"Yes." Spock looked around at the congested streets. Everything teemed with people. He decided carrying Ama would be preferable to the possibility of her getting swept away with the crowd. "Why do you ask?" He asked while he pulled Ama onto his shoulders. He paused a moment to consider whether this was appropriate. He had his own memories of being held in this manner as a child with no adverse affect and proceeded to steady the girl above him.

"It just looked like you were _really _happy to come out here into the warm air." Nyota raised an eyebrow and tucked Ama's extra clothes into her bag. She looked up at Ama. "You ready to go Ama Llama?"

"Mother? I am not a llama. Why do you persist in referring to me as such? You, more than anyone, should be aware of my species. I do not understand." Ama looked genuinely puzzled atop her father's shoulders. Nyota just laughed. Something about the formal speech coming out of such a little body always amused Nyota and that amusement filtered over into Spock, causing him a uniquely pleasurable sensation.

"How is the view from up there?" She asked her daughter, changing subjects quickly.

"It is good. Much better than down below." Ama placed a small hand on her father's straight hair and steadied herself while she looked around.

Spock _was _feeling particularly content. He might even describe it as _good. _ Nyota's amusement and delight in their daughter always buoyed his mood and he was growing confident that Nyota had fully accepted that Ama was going to be more Vulcan than Human in more ways than one. Many of the concerns of the last year seemed to be resolving themselves and Spock truly understood what Nyota meant by feeling unburdened. He wondered, however, what she had seen in his face that made her think he was happy. No, _really _happy. He would have to ask her at another time. Now, it was time to locate their hotel and allow Ama to take her midday nap. Despite increasing control of her emotional state and the her embrace of logic, Ama tended to lose focus and become unpleasant if her routine was interrupted significantly. Her need for sleep was entirely Human, even with her beginning meditation routine.

OOO

As the sun set Spock and his family found themselves on the outskirts of the city, in a desolate area that had a high perimeter fence and an advanced security system. Spock could not see very far beyond the large gate that they stood in front of.

"Ashayam, are you sure this is correct?" Spock asked aloud. He was surprised by her reaction. She turned to him suddenly, her eyes wide with surprise. "Is something the matter?" Spock looked around suddenly, wondering if the security system had been activated.

"Ashayam?" Nyota whispered.

"You should know that I can hear you mother. My hearing is, apparently, between two point four eight three six and four point three seven three nine times better than yours. At least according to Dr. McCoy's last examination."

"Thank you Ama." Nyota sighed but continued to look at Spock.

"What does ashayam mean father?" Ama asked from Spock's knees. "I do not believe that we have ever used that term in our lessons and I cannot recall you using it. It _is _Vulcan is it not?"

Spock considered the question and the responses that he had received from his family. He never called Nyota ashayam unless they were in private. It just never seemed appropriate, even in front of Ama. Of course she knew that she was cared for and loved by her parents; however, Spock did not wish to confuse her gradual emotional control by using terms of endearment. It was enough that Nyota called her Ama Llama, Cuddlebug and Little Bit. It _was_ unusual that he had let the term slip. He focused on his body and ascertained that nothing was out of order, however, when they got inside he would have to scan himself with a tricorder.

"It is a term that adults who are bonded may use to reference each other." Spock said quietly before turning to Nyota and repeating his original question.

"I'm sure Spock. I spent months and months here as a child. Tyvoc is just... eccentric about security. Ama? Are you ready to see Uncle Tyvoc? You haven't seen him since you were just a little tiny baby." She smiled down at her daughter and took her hand. With her other hand she punched in a long number sequence on the pad that was attached to the gate.

After a long pause the gate slid open and Spock could see the lasers deactivate a moment afterward. Spock followed Nyota's lead and waited another few moments before crossing the threshold into the compound beyond the gate.

"Tyvoc doesn't have everything cycle down at once. It is a precaution against those who might have hacked the code or gotten it in some other nefarious manner. It's always better to wait a few minutes before entering any space in his house." She spoke to both Spock and Ama as they walked through the large courtyard.

Nyota pointed to various plants and greenhouses as they went further into the compound. She smiled as she recounted the hours that she would spend chasing her brother around and playing hide and seek. The warm waves of nostalgia washed over Spock pleasantly. He had a few complaints about his childhood; however, after becoming close with Nyota he understood that he was very fortunate to have the parents that he did. It was comforting to him to understand that every moment of Nyota's youth had not been consumed by the hostility of her mother's household. Nyota had been happy here, in this compound that looked as much like a research facility as it did a private home.

"Greetings." Tyvoc answered the door somberly.

"Uncle Tyvoc!" Nyota beamed. She hugged him fiercely and Spock was surprised to see that he did not pull away or look the least bit uncomfortable. Tyvoc had always been unusual for a Vulcan and this was just further confirmation of his past experiences of the man. "Ama? This is Dr. Tyvoc. He's your great-great uncle." She said contentedly. Nyota had been calling Tyvoc 'uncle' since she had been a small girl but Ama's birth revealed that it was more than an affectionate term. Tyvoc had been Nyota's grandmother's uncle.

"Greetings Tyvoc." Ama said as she watched her mother touch the older man.

"Tyvoc." Spock nodded at the scientist.

"Welcome to you Ama and Spock. Nyota, welcome home."

Tyvoc insisted that they stay with him despite the reservations that they had at the hotel. Spock could tell from the set of Nyota's shoulders that she would not be leaving Tyvoc's home. Tyvoc was fairly old for a Vulcan, especially a Vulcan alive presently. He was one of the few elder Vulcans that had survived the tragedy on Vulcan Prime. He now traveled between New Vulcan and his home in Kenya, but Spock could tell that he spent the majority of his time here on Earth.

Tyvoc was somewhat short when compared to other Vulcans and he had a stocky build that had been more common amongst the working classes on the former planet; however, he had, and still, claimed the title as one of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy. His house was nearly seventy percent research facility. Spock felt quite at home. He was surprised. His perception of Tyvoc had not always been positive.

Tyvoc was emotionally guarded as most Vulcans were; however, he had adopted much from his chosen planet of residence. He was far more open to accepting Human affection and to reacting to Human emotion in ways that were appropriate. Although he was somewhat gruff with adults Spock knew, through Nyota's memories, that he was especially gentle and tolerant around children. Nyota and Spock watched as Ama excitedly explored every piece of equipment and rapidly fired questions at Tyvoc. The old man, for his part, seemed quite content to answer each question in detail appropriate for Ama's age and understanding. Spock could not help but be proud of Ama's curiosity. Despite his inclination to believe that it was mostly his genetic influence fueling the girl's interest he knew that Nyota had been in the same position that Ama was, asking the same questions of Tyvoc and demanding demonstration of the laboratory instruments.

"It gives me comfort that you had Tyvoc as a child." Spock whispered to Nyota as he grasped her hand beneath the dining table.

"What?" Nyota was lost in her own thoughts. "Oh. Yes. I was always welcome here. He let me explore whatever I was interested in. Whether it was physics or language, botany or robotics. And since my mother would never step foot around here I never had to worry about her showing up to disapprove." Spock watched as her eyes settled on Ama. "Ama doesn't really know any different though does she? She has an entire ship to explore and a whole bridge crew full of experts to guide her through all of the things that the world has to offer her." She smiled weakly.

"She only has one you." Spock said softly as his thumb lightly traced a path across her knuckles. "You are uniquely suited to guide her through her unique life. You love her."

"For a guy who is supposed to be so poor at emotion, you seem to say all the right things Mr. Spock." Nyota turned to him and he saw that her eyes were wet.

OOO

After Spock had returned from the hotel with their things and they had put Ama to bed in one of Tyvoc's spare rooms, Nyota and Tyvoc began a conversation that largely excluded him. It was about their shared past and, although interesting, it seemed to be a private matter. Spock thought that it was appropriate for Nyota to have this conversation about her history on her own. He left them to their discussion.

Being in Nairobi had caused Spock to think of history himself. Instead of thinking about his own origins and childhood, as Nyota had been wont to do, he found himself recalling his history with Nyota. He remembered their first meeting on Vulcan decades before. He would have never imagined the sort of life that she had here in this city back then. Of course, he would have never imagined that he would want to wake up to her cool skin every day for the rest of her life. Still, something stirred at the back of his mind.

He had never really spoken to Naima, beyond a few words in defense of Nyota and her father. He had read her articles after meeting her and found them to be well researched and written. He understood that Naima has certain amounts of trauma that had never been adequately addressed also; however, being in Kenya with Nyota and Ama he could not help but wonder how she could have deprived Nyota of so much. When he had witnessed everything between Nyota and Naima, he had not understood the level of tension that marked their household. Nyota had explained her last night in Nairobi to Spock and he had considered it an isolated incident. It was not until he had a proper meld with her that he understood the depths of the dysfunction that the home had been mired in.

Spock tried not to dwell on it. He felt his anger rising every time his mind wandered in that direction. It was difficult though. Every time he saw the tenderness that Nyota showed to Ama and recalled the similar care received from his own mother, he felt cracks in his own restraint. It was made more difficult because so much of what Nyota recalled from this area was associated with her family and that included Naima. The down side of a meld was that he received both the good and bad emotions from his partner. Spock decided to meditate until Nyota finally came to bed but had trouble focusing. Mostly, thoughts of what he _should _have said to Naima came through. He thought of what he would say to her now that he knew the truth and what he would do to protect their daughter from anyone behaving in that manner toward her.

"Spock? You're still up?" Nyota said gently as she crept into the room.

"Yes." Spock took a deep breath and gave up on meditation. Tomorrow he would go for a long run and clear his mind.

"Are you alright? You look a bit distracted. Your meditation lamp isn't even on." She knelt down next to him and took his hand. "Oh." She shook her head slowly. "You shouldn't worry about that Spock. You shouldn't let her occupy that much space in your mind. I don't. I know I've been thinking about some... things since I've been here but really, it's just reflex. Besides, point two seven six three five right?" Nyota smiled at Spock and pressed her forehead to his. "Come to bed. I'll think of a better way to distract you."

Spock hesitated and then let himself be led to the bed. "Perhaps you are correct ashayam. It is logical to take advantage of our current surroundings and the fact that Ama will not be able to hear us."

"You Vulcans and your logic." Nyota smiled up at him as she untied the waistband of his trousers.

* * *

Author's note: Forgive my unbeta'ed writing folks! I had an idea about how to end this story in a way that I like, so expect the conclusion over the next couple of weeks. Thanks so much for reading.


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